You jokes
Where do you go when food dies?
A fooderal.
What do you call a chicken that was cared for? A tendered chicken.
What does a doctor do to make you better?
Helium.
How do you stop a baby from crawling on the floor?
Nail one hand to the ground...
How do you stop it from crawling in circles? Nail the other hand to the floor.
When the emo kid looks at you and says, "Fuck you," run!
Memes
What happens when you cross a pig and karate?
A pork chop!
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends how hard you throw them.
Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
You were born on the freeway, you know why?
Because that's where a lot of accidents happen. 😈
What do you call an STD?
Elenji.
Your mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "One at a time."
Even though you are a meateater, you can still totally be a vegetarian.
Did you walk up Stephen Hawking's drive?
Don’t worry, he didn’t either.
You are about to hear the funniest joke ever.
My life.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knock, knock." "Knock, knock who?" "Can you let me in now?"
Freddy: I'm coming for you >:)
Me: God, no, help!
*game notification pops up with very loud sound*
What do you call a gay retard? Fruit and vegetable soup.
You text someone to ask them why they snobbed you. Then they snob you again.