You jokes
Kid on Xbox: I'm not a virgin. Ask your sister.
Bully on Xbox: I don't have a sister, dumbass.
Kid on Xbox: You will in 9 months.
That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.
Me: I saw an emo kid that got a haircut today. But instead of saying “Like ya cut g” and slapping the neck, I slapped the wrist and said “Like ya cut’s g.”
Emo kid: He said like your bullet holes, G.
Me: I have no bullet holes.
Emo kid: Not yet, you don't.
Me: Ayo what the fuc*.
Are you adopted?
No.
I mean, who would want you?
Do you know Joe?
Joe mama, mama, a, a, mama, a, a, amam.
Memes
Are you the sun? I can see you from a mile away.
You didn't know that Helen Keller is dead? It's fine; neither does she.
You're so fat that when you went sunbathing at the beach, Greenpeace came along and pushed you back in the ocean.
You will never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.
If you feel a lump in your rice, you fucked up.
If you feel a lump in your skin, you have cancer.
What time is it when you have a toothache?
2:30 (Tooth hurty).
I burned an orphan's hand and then they said, "You will pay for this."
Me: "What are you going to do? Tell your parents?"
When you have to fight an emo kid, but he brings his friends, so you gotta fight the Suicide Squad. But you gotta get the boys to help you.
Have you ever walked past Stephen Hawking's house?
No, well neither has he.
What do you call two emos in a chemistry lab?
My Chemical Romance.
On one hand he was fantastic and the other a spastic. You could say he was a fantastic spastic.
Why can you say "Kobe" even though you missed?
Because he didn't land either.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Stephen.
Can't you read? It says "No Hawking."
One day an orphan went to jail, and a big dude went behind him and said, "I want you." The orphan said, "Finally!"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Well, you don't have to cry about it, Gary.