You jokes
Jake: Can I go outside?
Mom: Did you clean your room?
Jake: No.
Mom: Then f*ck no.
Jake: Alright, bet.
(Brother named No)
When people say they get ho's: You don't get no ho's, the only ho's you get is in yo draws.
*America shoots down balloon*
China: "You killed an innocent man!!"
USA: "What?!"
China: "Yes, he was a famous sumo wrestler."
Roses are red, Violets are blue, You look like Shrek, And you make me peck.
Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?
Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!
Memes
What would you rather be, emo or handicapped?
Trick question, emo is a handicap.
You're so short that I had to ask God why he made you short-ass toothpick legs.
You're so black, when you get near the sun, we go into a solar eclipse.
Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.
God: *SILENCE*
Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!
God: *SILENCE*
Never gonna give you up.
No wonder why I can't find you. You're in the trash bin.
Your hairline's so far back, you need binoculars to see it.
Man, your hairline is so far back, archaeologists couldn't find it.
You're so ugly that when you were born, the doctor threw you out the window, and the window threw you back.
Pretend you are an old man who is 77 years old and there are 7 doors, which door should you pick?
The seventh door.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Little old lady, you don't need to yodel about it. Yodel who? Yodel who?
Me: Ice woman diary: a witch's tin key.
Other: What? You said, "I swim in diarrhea, which is stinky?"
Mummy, how was I born?
Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."
My love for you is like poop.
Whenever I feel you, I have to run to the toilet and flush you away.
I hope next time you ask your teacher to go to the toilet, your teacher says no, but when someone else asks, the teacher says yes to them.
Boy: “My heart MELTS for you.”
Girl: “OMG, are you okay?!?!”
Boy: “Yeah, why?”
Girl: “Because if your heart is melting, then you are NOT okay.”