You jokes

I hope when you count, you lose the number you were on.

You know you're fucked when the speed bump screams.

This is not a joke. Have you ever thought about it? You’re an emo while wearing black. So what if you are black? Does that mean you’re an emo because you are black and emos wear black? ;)

How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?

About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.

Doctor: I have bad news.

Man: What?

Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.

Man: Oh, no...

Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.

Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!

What happens when you fail to be an emo? You don't make the cut.

You're so goddamn stupid, you thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.

If you take off the first and last letter of "demon," they're gonna turn emo.

Bro, they almost forgot you in the abortion bucket.

Are you serious right now, bro?

Hi, are you even my sister?

Yes, I am.

No, you're not, because you never even existed as my sister.

Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure?"

That's a horrible thing to find out when you're adopted.

Like if you have a dick, or you are an orphan.

Look behind you, there is Stephen Hawking.

Nobody.

"Rape isn't a joke unless you watch YouTube Kids."

Did you know that Helen Keller had a pet monkey?

No.

Neither did she.

My brother: What are you looking at?

Me: A mistake.

Do you know Bumo?

Bumo deez nuts.

My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"

Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.

Doctor: You have cancer.

Patient: Will I survive?

Doctor: Probably not.