You jokes

How much you wanna bet you will not repeat my name out loud (at school/work)?

You're so much like a marshmallow, you're so squishy and sticky, and everyone puts their sticks inside of you.

The moment when you throw the nut away and try to eat the shell.

What do you call a sharpened pencil? You call a sharpened pencil a sharpened pencil.

I would give you a thrashing, but that would be animal abuse.

My mom went to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.

Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head.

What's the difference between a pregnant girl and a light bulb?

... You can unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a pregnant girl.

POV: you

When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.

Myla, what did you do for Father's Day?

Myla: I went to a restaurant.

Timmy, what did you do for Father's Day?

Timmy: I went to a concert.

Olivia, what did you do for Father's Day?

Olivia: Talked to him through an ouija board.

How do you call an American bee?

USB.

What would Earth say if it had a boyfriend?

You need to com-it.

Parent: Have you seen your sister?

Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.

What do you call crocodiles that don't say "swim" every day?

Gwen, hi, this is well, I am not saying, are you a girl? I thought you were a girl, but I could be wrong.

What do you call an orphan at a construction site?

Child labor.

Roses are red, so is my gun. Why do you ask? Because it's full of blood.

Okay, good night everyone who has common sense! "Akeld," you did not make it.

Gwen, are you there?