You jokes
Do you know why an atom is positive? He kept his electrons.
What do you call a bunch of llamas?
Alpaca llama.
What do orphans, parents, and a ball have in common?
If you throw them, they both will never come back.
A blind man walks into a bar and starts to swing his guide dog around his head. The bartender asks him nervously, "Are you okay?" The blind man replies, "Yeah, I’m just looking around!"
What do you call a cow that has stuff growing on it?
Mosscow
Scientist time travels into the year 2024.
Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?
Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?
What is green?
Grass, you tard!
What do you call a bitch?
You call it a female dog.
What do you call a dog magician?
Labracadabrador!
You know the difference between happy tailgaters and angry tailgaters?
Happy tailgaters know how to throw a party.
What do you call a moose that doesn't want to be known? Anonymoose.
If you are on here, don’t hate. There will be rude ones, but it doesn’t matter.
[God creating the parrot] OK, HOW ABOUT A TYE-DYE CHICKEN THAT SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU?
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing. They just waved.
Did you sea what I did there?
What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?
"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"
If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner. There's usually 90 degrees.
Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.
I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"
What do you say after you throw an egg at someone? "Yolks on you!"
Guys tell me that I have a MILF for a mom. So I told my mom that guys tell me that she is a MILF. My mom said to me, "What is a MILF?" so I said, "Mother I'd Like TO F-ck." So my mom started to laugh and said, "Well, you do need a new step dad."