You jokes
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
What did the fork say to the cake when he said, "I hope you get eaten?"
Fork off!
So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.
The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"
Parent: Have you seen your sister?
Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.
Have you ever had duck sausage? No? How about you duck on down and get yourself some!
You say Alex Jones, I say Alex moans mmmmm. I like that fat, tasty big boy and his Rolex watches, mummy, he turns me on!
You're so fat you probably apply sunscreen with a paint roller.
You know why you never wanna fly with an orphan?
'Cause then they know they won't die alone.
What did the orphan say to the bowling ball?
"I am orphan!"
"You are bowling ball!"
Q: What do you say when Trump is still president during 2020? A: Magic!
My girlfriend's name is Candice.
Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D
Why shouldn’t you do drugs? Weedle make you high.
How can Pikachu make a baby laugh? By playing pika-boo!
What disease do you get from eating fish?
Salmonella!
What do you call a fat spеaky in a wheelchair spеaky chair?
What do you call a flying pig?
Fiction.
Why would you not let an elephant sleep in the same bed with you?
Because they stink and now the room smells like elephant shit.
Orange you glad you are not a comedian?
What do you call a crazy-in-every-way sister?
A sissy.
You’re so short, you must need a ladder to reach your advice and dreams.