Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.
You Jokes
How do you spot a blind man in a nudist resort?
It's not hard.
What would you do after seeing your most loved one shot? Reload.
Kaleb: Addison, are you okay???
Addison: Not at all. People think I'm annoying and stupid! Do you?
Kaleb: Yes, once I pound you in the ass.
Why do you play Call of Duty?
I actually don't know.
Roses are red, so is my gun. Why do you ask? Because it's full of blood.
When someone calls you, say "Welcome to Joe's Pizza Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce."
A man goes for a pee in a haunted house.
He unzips his pants at the urinal when a man dressed as a goblin chuckles next to him. "You got a small dick, buddy," the man says to him.
What do you call a cow without legs?
Ground beef!
What's the difference between a government and a pawn shop?
They lower you.
"Alex, hi, you here!?"
Why you gay, bruh? I know why I'm gay. I got the wolf pack protectors spirit in me, YA BOIIIII!
What do you call a food fight that's been going on for years?
A war of nutrition.
What do you call a man who can fly? A flying man.
How do you put a baby in the blender feet first so you can see its facial expressions?
How do you get it out? Tortilla chip.
You know I really love going to school and meeting my crush.
All I have to do is go to the Africa section.
What's the difference between you, your uncle, and your dad?
One didn't go in the closet.
When you hide in the girl's bathroom so the school shooter won't go in there: 😃
When you notice that the school shooter is female: 😟
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
