You jokes

Would you rather date me or a lady?

I laid deez nuts in your mouth.

Why did the cake say to the scammer? "I'll scam you up!"

As I was eating this girl out, I thought I tasted some horse semen... I exclaimed, "Oh, Grandma! That's how you died!"

What do you call a monkey in a mine field?

BaBOOM!

I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"

The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.

When you were born, your mom said you were out of bounds, so you went flying out of the hospital.

What egg do you buy an orphan?

Free range.

Are you a haunted house?

Cuz I am gonna be screaming when I come inside you.

What do you call a traffic light that tells you, "Don't look, I am changing!"

Man, we all have the one cool sibling, then the strong sibling, and then you, the one who plays on their iPad or computer all day. Then, when you are on vacation, you are doing nothing at all.

Me: *Calls friend* "Dude, I just fell off a 50-foot ladder!"

Friend: "Bro, you ok?!"

Me: "Yeah, lucky I only fell off the first step!"

Attention, everyone: I will be leaving this website. Thank you everybody who has been nice to me. Maybe I’ll come back in the future, but for now: Goodbye.

How can you tell a blonde likes you? She ducks you two nights in a row.

Guys, if you saw a post from someone pretending to be me, don't listen to them.

I'm just going to be out for 3 days, or maybe for a month break. There are a lot of fakers.

Teacher: What do you want when you grow up?

That depressed kid in class: Dead.

What's the difference between a woman and a freezer?

A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

What do you think about the game "Fortnite?"

Shit.

If you were to ask me, "Where would be the worst place to commit a crime?" I would say a multi-storey car park, because if you think about it, it would be wrong on so many levels.

Did you know that the "F" in orphan stands for family?