You jokes
What did the toaster say to the toast?
"I want you inside me."
Wife: Stop telling rape jokes, it's not funny. Husband: Who raped you this morning?
Why don't you see gay people in wheelchairs?
Because once you're a fruit, you can't be a vegetable.
If you cut off your head, you can't breathe.
You also can't breathe if you die.
So why isn't it debreathiation?
I see that you start work at 9am, but your hairline starts at 9:15am.
A man enters the bank and says, "Hi, I'm robbing you!" The man was arrested instantly.
R.I.P. boiled water. You will be mist.
What do you get when you cross an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
If you tell me to get a life, you're telling me to get a life better than yours!
You think my face is ugly? Yours is more.
Have you seen the Woody Allen v Mia Farrow series on HBO? If you like details about child molestation without having to do it yourself, boy do I have the show for you!
What do you call a guy on fire in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.
Hi, I did not get your text. I texted you when I texted you. You are not [responding].
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Make him clap until his parents come back.
What makes a skeleton laugh?
When you tickle his funny bone with a skele-TON of jokes!
Heh.
How do you make antifreeze?
You steal her blanket.
Hey, can you hold this for a second?
One day, a skeleton wasn't laughing. Someone asked him why he was not laughing. It turns out he fell and broke his bone, his funny bone that is.
Charizarding.
When you light a girl's pubes on fire, put it out with your jizz, then flap your arms and say, "You don't have enough badges to train me!"
What do you call a Mexican without a car?
Carlos.