You jokes
What do you call a special police officer?
Officer down!
I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?
How do you end an argument with an emo? Kick the chair.
What did the tiger say to the bunny?
Nice to meat you!
The bible says to love your neighbors as you love yourself.
So I treat everyone like garbage.
What is the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can't tuna fish.
What do you call a burning church?
Holy smokes.
If someone wears black, say, "If you see someone wears black, they always be emo."
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?
Russell
What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.
I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"
Kile: Hey, asshole! I bet you listen to trash 50 Cent! How about you get to quarters, listen to him! My favorite rapper is the best of all! How about you go eat a cracker, you parrot nose, fuck!
Remy: I'm... y-y... YOUR DUMBER THAN ANT! I BET YOUR FAVORITE RAPPER IS A CANDY RAPPER!!
Dad: Son, you're adopted.
Son: Oh wow, I wonder who my real parents are.
Dad: We are your real parents. Your adopted parents are coming to pick you up.
What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start :)
What's the difference between a baby and a tire swing?
A tire swing doesn't die when you hang it from a tree.
What do you get when you mix up a group of emos?
Suicide squad.
What do you call someone smart and dead?
Stephen Hawking...
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.
What do you call an abo with a shotgun?
Sir.