You jokes
Q: What do you get from a two-legged cow? A: Lean beef.
Yo mama's hairline got so many peaks and valleys, you thought you were looking at the Grand Canyon.
"Bunny was so hopping to see you this week."
Nike isn't helpful for suicidal people. You can't tell them to "Just Do It."
What do you call a sophisticated American?
A Canadian.
You call it a tragedy. I call it a 25 killstreak.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
What do you call a dog that is part pug, part poodle, and part cup? A muggle! 🤠🤠🤠🤠🥴
What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?
Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."
Imagine getting rickrolled. Oh, I forgot, you already got rickrolled yesterday.
What do you call a skeleton with no bones? A boneless boy.
What do you call a person who died in war?
Little Johnny.
What's the difference between a gun and a penis?
The American government does not define you as having the constitutional right to a penis.
Me in the middle of the night boiling water.
Me talking to my brother: How do you make holy water?
My brother: How?
Me: You boil the hell out of it.
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"
-not my joke
A panda goes to see a hooker. He goes down on her, he mates with her, he ejaculates and then he attempts to walk away.
The working girl asks, "Aren't you going to pay me?"
She opens the dictionary to "Prostitute: One who sells sexual companionship for money."
The panda picks up the dictionary and turns to the definition "Panda: A marsupial who eats, roots, shoots, and leaves."
You look like the 0.01 percent of bacteria the Lysol didn't kill.
Is it just me, or when you wipe your ass too deep, it reminds you of your uncle? Just me?
Why did Mom cross the road?
To kill you!
This is how to die soft 101.
Yo bro, you good? You need a hug?