You jokes
The difference between women and beer is that beer makes you happy for nothing, why women make you angry for nothing.
I SAID GO TO BED BEFORE I SLAP THOSE SPOTS OFF OF YOU!
Why do people make fun of you jokes in worst jokes ever? Because it is called "worst jokes ever."
A child asks his teacher to go to the toilet.
"Before you go, recite the alphabet," the teacher says.
"a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z"
"Good, but where's the p?"
"Running down my leg."
Johnny is very attached to his parents. He asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks, "What's that?" The mother replies, "That's my garage." He looks up and asks, "What are those?" The mother responds, "Those are my headlights."
He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down, "Daddy, what's that?" The dad replies, "That's my car." He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tells his mother and she says, "You can lay with me." He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed. He gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving. He looks under the covers to investigate and sees them going at it. He then yells, "Mommy, turn on you're headlights, Daddy's parking his car in you're garage!" *THUD*
Who would you choose?
Did you hear about the red and blue ships that collided? All the sailors were marooned.
What do you call a chicken with no legs? Ground chicken 🤣💀🐔 Get WRAY'DDDDD!
How do you get a million Pikachus in a bus?
You shove them on!
Gwen, you need to shut up, for once!
I asked to borrow a book from the library. It was titled "Suicide in Ten Easy Steps." The cunt just stood and said, "Cheeky bastard, you won't bring it back!"
Do you get jealous of your clothes when they hang from the line?
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
Me: I’m going to get burrito 🌯
Friend: You can have my burrito baby.
Gay.
Friend: *begins to moan*
Me: Finna hang up.
What do you call a crazy-in-every-way sister?
A sissy.
If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run"?
Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."
Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure?"
That's a horrible thing to find out when you're adopted.
Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? Neither did she. Did you see that one coming? Neither did she.
(She's blind and deaf)
How do you know your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
Me: Hey, do you want to see my grandma?
Friend: Yeah, sure.
Me: *pulls out gun*