You jokes

What do you get when you cross an eagle with a lion?

A griffin.

Do you want to go to the pool?

Yes? Well, water you waiting for?

What's black, blue, and red, laying in a ditch?

You after you disrespect me.

How do you make a plumber cry?

Break his pipes...

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

What’s the worst thing about having a sister with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? At least it was a soft drink.

Were you born on the side of the highway because that’s where all mistakes happen?

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer.

My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path."

People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor. Lol.

How can you tell the difference between a Christian priest and a zit?

One waits until you're twelve to come on your face.

What do you call a whiteboard that is dirty?

A dirty whiteboard.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? Your father.

My Bff: Hey do want any coffee?

Me: Yeh, of course.

My Bff: Ok which one?

Me: You know... the black one.

Me: Like my soul...

My Bff: Jeez you ok?

1. Your face is so ugly, I thought it was deformed. It probably was anyways.

2. Even if Donald Trump had time to build a wall, it was probably so you won't squish us with your fatass.

If someone says your face is deformed, just say that's what happens when I look at you.

Welcome.

What part of a vegetable can't you eat?

The wheelchair.

If you ever get bored, just punch an orphan. I mean, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

What do you call a stupid male Indian?

"Anshu-man."

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady? You can unscrew a lightbulb.

I was out ice fishing and had no nibbles all morning.

About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg."

I said, "Excuse me, I didn't get that?" so he mumbles even louder, "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!" I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry, but I still didn't understand what you said."

Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says, "YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!"

So I came across a guy who was carrying a ton of clothing and makeup.

And I asked him what he is doing.

Guy: Some kawaii girl told me if I bought and brought her this crap, she would let me play with her tits.

Me: Erm... Are you a simp?

Two minutes later, the guy arrived at Kawaii Girl's house.

KG: You have it?

Guy: Yup, now can I play with them?

KG: Sure!

KG then went to her room.

Guy: Ohhhh, I know what your going to do. You're gonna call me over and you will be-

KG then held a bird cage with two birds in it.

KG: Have fun playing with them!

Guy: WHAT THE FU-