You jokes

You wanna know why Stephen Hawking isn't going to heaven?

Because it's a stairway, not a ramp.

Do you know Candice?

Candice dick fit in your mouth!

How do you ground a Gen Z?

Make them go outside and socialize.

What do you call a blonde who's dyed her hair brunette?

Artificial intelligence.

What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?

A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

This isn’t much of a joke, but here's a pickup line. Are you a marshmallow? Because I wanna put my stick in you.

What do you call an American house?

A gun safe.

"What did one wall say to the other?"

"I'll meet you at the corner!"

What do you call a bird orgy?

No bird control.

Mum: Why are roses red?

Child: Stop, Mum, you never make jokes.

Mum: I made you.

Q. What's Jeffery Dahmer's favorite song?

A. "Pieces of You."

When you know that everyone thinks you're a hoe.

WHEN Y'ALL ARE MY HOES!

Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?

I'm sure you would run away if your name was kjdhfkuaysbgfbkuejgf.

Roses are red, violets are blue.

My heart is dead because of you.

Actually, not because of you... because of your face.

Your parents are so proud of you. They LOVE you! <3

One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.

A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.

A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.

"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"

"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.

"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"

"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.

"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."

Sans, you lazybones, get up and do something.

Sans: I am doing something.

Papyrus: Oh yeah, what?

Sans: Thinking up a skele-ton of jokes.

Papyrus: SANSSSsSsSsSssSsSSsSsSsSSsSSsSsSsS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will end you.

Sans: What, does someone not have a funny bone? Oh wait, do you have a bone to pick with me? I have 206.

How do you fit 100 rape victims inside a Mini Cooper?

In the ashtray.

What did the poo say to the fart:

You blow me away!