You jokes
What do you call a wingless fly?
A walk!
What do you call a mom that is yours?
Your mom!
Hi Mom, how are you doing?
What do you call a German that is blind? A not-see.
What do you call a hippo that has been thrown in a pan?
Hippo-POT-amus!
Memes
Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy).
Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle).
Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what's the third son's name? A: David.
My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:
Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!
No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.
Life is like a game of poker, guys start by going with them clubs, ladies follow with a set of hearts, guys put down the diamonds, and before you know it you got a full house.
Gf: Babe, do you love me?
Bf: Count the stars and that's how much I love you.
Gf: But it's morning, sweetie...
Bf: Exactly.
Gf: :0, I'll take that as a no.
You know Thomas Paine, right? Well, clearly he had some common sense too, right?
You know how you mine and craft in Minecraft, and you chat in VR in VR Chat, but what do you do in Alabama?
You're the type of guy to have a whole training arc after a girl wants to fight you.
Let me just remove my finger from your bottom.
Thank you, nurse!
SEX Some Event Xaern
Xaern - loving something so much you begin to dislike it.
You know that you f**k better than dad?
I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)
Looking for true love. Must be into fun, likes to go out driving, playing the latest catching game and most importantly, must love kids. (PEADOPHILES MUST APPLY WITH HOW MANY KIDS YOU CAN CARRY!)
What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms and no legs?
Matt!
When Knife tells Annoying Orange, "I'm trying something new," Annoying Orange said, "Oh no, are you having a midknife crisis?" and then Annoying Orange laughs.
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
You don't have a forehead, you have a fivehead.
You don't have dreams, you have movies.