You jokes

What do you call a legless table? Nothing.

How do you know if a snowman is a girl or a boy?

A: Snowballs.

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”

Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!

All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.

Teacher: Why were you late?

Me: Traffic.

Teacher: Did I did it?

Me: Did I even blame it on you?

If your name is Jack, I think you are a stupid person that leaves their friends and blocks them on everything.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You tell them to clap until their parents come home.

How do you make orphan's hands bleed?

Make them clap for their parents to come back.

When the husband said "Is your ass so big?" she said "Because I am holding my shit."

You can hit an orphan, because who are they gonna tell? Their parents?

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Make it clap until its parents come home.

It would have been better if Martin Luther King didn’t have a dream.

You know, for his sake.

Have you ever heard of a dream that that that that the universe was a fake machine?

Dad: No, Timmy, you don't have to worry, there is no monster sleeping under your bed, it sleeps every night in the bed next to me.

Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn't close the casket.

Do you know the phrase, "One man's trash is another man's treasure?" Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.

Do you know what a reverse exorcism is?

It's when the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.

What pizza 🍕 do you order for Christmas?

Cheeses Crust!

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Don’t worry, he woke up.

In my basement.