You jokes

What keeps you breathing when you're on Earth?

I don't know. I suffocated at birth.

Where do you get 30% of your agua? From AGUAfers.

What is a room you can not enter?

A mushroom.

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

You cut the rope.

Mary is hanging out, and the angel Gabriel descends behind her. She looks behind her and says, "Jesus Christ!" and the angel Gabriel said, "So you already know."

What time is it when you get home? Can you walk walk and a car and get home and get a walk home and get a dog 🐕? Today is the night I can drive.

"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me!"

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta!

What do you get when you beat up an autistic kid?

Mashed potatoes.

Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?

Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.

Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar?

I hear they got six months each.

Did you hear about the band Manhole? I hear they're a metal cover.

Do you like Wendy’s?

Yeah, Wendy’s nuts finna go in your mouth!

Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.

Doctor: Sex is good for you!

A man finds out his wife is cheating on him with his best friend, so he hires a hitman to shoot his wife in the head, and his friend in the balls. The hitman charges $100 per bullet. The man agrees.

Later, they set up, and the hitman looks through the scope and says, “I can save you $100!”

A woman ran into a police station screaming, "Help, I have been graped!" The policeman said, "Do you mean raped?" The woman said, "No, there was a bunch of them!"

1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?

A dino-snore!

2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?

A rocket chip!

3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?

Because she was stuffed!

4. What has ears but cannot hear?

A cornfield!

5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between us, something smells!

One day I was walking along the street and I found some caution tape... Just sitting there torn up... Beat up, and you could barely unravel it anymore because I would just burst into shreds... It kinda reminded me of what happened to my sister's killer... They still haven’t found him yet... I’m really good at hide and seek!

A man sacrificed children who played Roblox, so when someone knocked on the door, they said, "An administrator has banned you from heaven!"

A mom cow's last words were to the mom cow's son. They were, "You are..." then died. The son thought that he was adopted, but then three years later, the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say, "You were adorable." Then she died once more. Then two years later, she rose from the dead for the last time to say to her son, "And that's why we adopted you."