You jokes

Little Johnny walks out to the garage and sees Dad smoking a cigarette. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have a puff of that cigarette?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.

About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage and sees his Dad drinking a beer. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have some of that beer?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.

About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage with a big plate of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies, fresh from the oven. His Dad says, "Wow, Johnny, those sure look like some good cookies. You think I can have some?" Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Well Dad, can your dick reach your ass?" His Dad scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, yes, Johnny, I do believe my dick can reach my ass." Little Johnny says, "Well, Dad, you can go FUCK yourself, cuz Mom made these cookies for me!!!"

What do you call a Russian rifle that went 1 rank down?

An AK-46.

What did one casket say to the other casket?

"Is that you coughin'?"

I'll give you 20 dollars if you let me cum in you.

You know what you could use? An orphan as a punching bag.

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Teacher: "Okay, so how are you going?"

Student: "I'm not going."

Teacher: "Oh, so you're a wheelchair person?"

Best friend *holds a sign up that says "what gender are you?"*

Me: Uh, male?..

Best friend *then unfolds paper so it reads "what gender are you attracted to?"*

Me: You silly goose.

*Silence for like three seconds*

Me: Still male though-

My mom said you failed school. I said, "Don't be surprised, I'm a retard, Mom."

Bully: You're a loser and fat.

Me: Shut up. The camera thought you were a house.

What are the four letters you don't want to hear from a dentist?

I C D K

Ex Of Johnnys: I have a question.

Johnny: What?

Ex Of Johnnys: Am I pretty?

Johnny: Yes ofc jesus made everybody wonderfully!

Ex: Awhh!

Johnny: But whoever made you was painting Thomas the Train while making your face.

What did the Chinese man say to his wife?

I'll chin you later.

Why should you put an orphanage by a cemetery?

So they can always see their parents.

Do you know how many women have been pope?

Nun.

Your mama is so fat, you can't tell if she's pregnant or not.

What do you call a country who needs another race just to be the best country in sports?

America.

"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me!"

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

You cut the rope.

Mary is hanging out, and the angel Gabriel descends behind her. She looks behind her and says, "Jesus Christ!" and the angel Gabriel said, "So you already know."

Do you like Wendy’s?

Yeah, Wendy’s nuts finna go in your mouth!