You jokes

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Fuck 'em.

If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.

Like if you know someone emo.

Are you an egg, because you crack me up?

What's the difference between a plane and a woman?

At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.

A man takes a boy into the woods.

Boy says:

"Mister, I’m scared, and it’s dark and cold."

The Man: "How do you think I feel? I’m walking out here alone!"

What is it called when you whoop a donkey?

A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.

What did the bus driver say to the nut 🥜?

"Where do you live?"

Astrophysics fact: If you count every star on a Saturday night, you're autistic.

Why did the rape victim stop eating pears?

Because she was told that if you rearrange the letters "PEAR," it spells "rape."

How do you spell "cognitive mess?"

J.O.E. B.I.D.E.N.

"Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner, chocolate's made." (Point to your boobs, vagina/crouch area, and then to your butt area in sync with words.)

What's the same with a controller and a woman?

They both work if you hit them.

What do you call a group of special ed kids with guns? Special forces.

Hey, did you know Paul Walker's gay?

Why do you say that?

Because he likes to wrap himself around long, old wood.

What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?

Full.

Are you a bullet? Because you go straight through my head.

Your hairline is so bad, when you look in the mirror, your hairline looks like an endangered species.

Once I told an abortion joke and this woman was like, "I've had an abortion, that's offensive." And I was like, "I just tell jokes, I think what you do is much worse."

If you read this, you are gay.