You jokes

Bully: Your mom hates you.

Orphan: I don't have parents ;)

I am the ice cream man running over fat kids with my van. If you touch my van, I’ll smack you in the face with a frying pan. If you steal ice cream, I’ll shoot you in the face with a fudge machine.

What do you call a fake speedrunner?

Dream.

Ol' Mate Shane Warne has sadly passed away. He was probably Australia's Greatest Ever Cricketer. RIP Ol' Mate Warney, died doing what you loved, having gay sex with men and doing cocaine! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Like if you RIP Shane Warne 🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺

You know the saying "One man's trash is another man's treasure?"

Wonderful saying! Horrible way to find out you're adopted! :DD

Ok, now I'm not good at telling jokes, but this one is not too bad. One cunt said to another cunt, "Do you get cold at night?"

"Fuck no, cunt," the first cunt said, "Why?"

"I have a built-in set of vertical curtains to keep the cold out, cunt!" xx

Have you heard about the blind man who saw the accident and the dead man who heard it?

My girl asked me if I had seen a gorilla anywhere. I told her yes, I did see one a minute ago at the Central Park Zoo. He said if you don't behave, he will take you back to the jungle and have your ass abandoned for good.

What would you name your pet rabbit?

Harry.

You and me went up to stab your father. He was out, do not pout. They are coming after.

What did the cell phone say to his wife?

"I will give you a ring."

(Wait, forgot about the 3rd third thing.) I have said this countless times, but it doesn't seem to be getting through to you: quit hating on particular jokes. You don't like it? Nobody cares. Don't go into the morbid jokes category, you idiots, ffs!

What do you call it when Neil Armstrong started cuming in space?

The Milky Way.

What do you call an abo with a shotgun?

Sir.

If someone has a gun and tries to shoot you, just say, “Hipity hoppity, that gun is my property.”

If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.

What do you call an orphanage that's not an orphanage?

A homeless shelter.

How do you make a plumber die?

You kill his family.

I remember my grandad's last words: "Are you still holding the ladder?"

If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?