You jokes

A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.

The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.

You're so short, when it rains you're the last one to know.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be the dolphin, you can be the jellyfish.

What do you call Indian dhal that is delicious?

Well, that is DHALicious!

Imagine this: You're at math class. The teacher asks you, "What's 11 * 11?" You say, "120." The teacher says, "Wrong!" You say, "How off was I?" The teacher says, "1."

Me rn: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHERES THE RAGE TABLE or something like that.

"You need to cease, all those fat cuz u obese."

Kid 1: I like you! Do you like me?

Kid 2: No. You never asked if I love you!

Kid 1: Aw, do you love me?

Kid 2: No!

Son: What's for dinner tonight?

Mom: Steak!

Son: Mom, you know I only eat veggies, so what's for me?

Mom: HUNGER!

Your forehead is so big, you think in 4K.

Orphan: Asks you random joke. What is the difference between my boomerang and my parents?

Me: The boomerang came back.

We clap when we see you. We clap our hands over our eyes.

Kid 1: Words can't describe how ugly you are.

Kid 2: Words can describe how beautiful you are.

Kid 1: Aw, thanks!

Kid 2: But numbers can. 0/10

What’s the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

You only need 1 nail to hang a painting!

I have no dad, no milk, and no mom, so that means no tits, like if you can relate.

What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

My friend: Hey, I got 15 kills!

Me: I got 60 kills!

My friend: I didn't know you played Call of Duty!

Me: What's Call of Duty?

What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?

Have a blood transfusion.

Your wife dumped you because you are so poor and you are so ugly. You also live under a rock and have no money. You got dumped so hard you can't remember you got dumped.

What did the orphan say to its parents?

"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"

They people: "No."

Nah! You're so poor, you can't afford free stuff!