You jokes
You look like a double dipped chocolate chip cliff flipped glazed charcoal slim jim Mr. clog hunch frap, no feet, 9 arms, 17 stomachs. You stepdad beat you with a wiffle ball bat. NBA Youngboy was in your bathroom spitting on you and now you got herpes on your left side cheek.
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!
Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.
Hii! Oh my gosh. It has been forever! How have you guys been? Comment your favorite movie!!!! <3
What’s the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
You can’t milk a cow for 15 years.
Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.
Mom: Witherspoon.
Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!
Billy: Hey kid, why are you sad?
Orphan: Oh, I'm waiting for my parents.
Billy: Oh, and how long have you been here?
Orphan: About 200 years.
If you're waiting for a waiter at a restaurant, aren't you the waiter?
What does a Rubik's cube and a penis have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What do guns and gum have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
Sans: What do you have there?
Frisk: A KNIFE!
Sans: NOO!!!
Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:
"What advice do you have for people out there?"
As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.
Name a nut. You because are nuts.
How do you know when a joke has turned into a dad joke?
When it leaves you and never comes back.
When you're lonely, watch a scary movie. You won’t feel lonely anymore!
You know what I like most about people with Parkinson's... Their handshake!
What do you call a trash bin for 9/11?
Osama Bin Laden.
Did you just come from a bakery? Because you’ve got the hottest pair of buns I’ve seen all week.
What do you call a nerd in space?
A space nerd.