Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.
You Jokes
How can you tell your best friend is gay?
His meat tastes like shit.
They say I have a silver tongue, I'll let you make it white.
What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?
House of Pain—"Jump Around."
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
Babys Horenet's first word
Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barber-queue.
What do you call a beehive without an exit? Un-bee-lievable!
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
If at first you don't succeed, blame it on the patriarchy.
What's the difference between a casino and a church?
You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.
My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
Give them a Sandy Hook.
What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?
Chelsea Clinton.
You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!
I have to file a complaint against Spotify because I didn’t see you on my hot singles last week.
Wanna play dolls?
I can be Ken, and you can be the box I come in.
You know you are from China when you use rice instead of glue.
What do you call a blowjob in Africa?
Breakfast.
When cops say you have the right to remain silent,
You're just happy you have the right to do something.
