You jokes

Did you see that car crash today where the guy got the entire left side of his body cut off?

He's all right now.

Can you imagine what was the last thing that went through their brains?

The knee caps.

You might think that tigers or lions are the best jumpers, but in my opinion, it's emos, because some of them are still in the air.

I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.

The youngest of the Twin Towers said, "Goodbye, brotha." But the one who got hit, which is the oldest, said, "If I go down, you go with me!"

What do you call a Mexican who lost their car?

Carlos.

What do you call it when you sell Panera Bread in your shed?

Panera Shed.

What do you call a gang of emo kids?

What is the difference between an orphan and a non-orphan? You can slap the orphan, but not the non-orphan because they can actually tell their parents.

If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.

When you're lonely, watch a scary movie. You won’t feel lonely anymore!

You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!

Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."

*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"

How do you surprise a blind guy?

Say, "Surprise!"

How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?

Act like a nut.

The bell rings, and Ana was about to leave, but the teacher said, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."

The next day, Ana was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late?" Ana replied with, "The bell doesn't tell me when I should arrive, I do."

What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?

A pistachio.

What do you call super expensive shoes?

Cashews.

How do you catch an elephant?

Act like a peanut.

Can I ask you a question? Nut now!