You jokes
Guy feels something on his back.
“Oh God, please let that be a rifle.”
“Nope. I’m just real happy to see you.”
Why can you punch an orphan and get away with it?
Because what is he gonna do, tell his parents?
Good afternoon. My name is Russell, and I am a wilderness explorer of Tribe 54, Sweat Lodge 12. Are you in need of any assistance today, sir?
What time do you call me tomorrow?
How do you punish Helen Keller? Just move the couch.
I love you.
You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)
What is the difference between a flat tire bicycle and a woman?
Answer: You need to pump the tire on the bicycle before you ride it, while a woman you need to ride her and pump.
Papyrus: Sans, can you call Undyne for me and tell her that I found a human!
Sans: Sure bro, lemme just get on the Tele-bone.
Papyrus: Ssssaaaaannnnsss!!!!!!
Sans: Yea bro.
Papyrus: You know what? I will tell Undyne instead.
How do you drown a Blonde? You put a scratch and sniff sticker in a pool.
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
Because it’s pointless!
What do you do when you see a naked dead girl?
Check your map, you're obviously going in circles.
What do you call an orphan's family picture?
A selfie.
You know why pedophiles get away with molesting children?
Because who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.
What do you call a white kid at the back of class?
A school shooter.
What do you call people who jumped in the dam?
A dam fool.
Don't be sad if you miss a shot when you yell "Kobe." He didn't make it either.
How do you know when Kobe Bryant is famous?
His face was chiseled in a mountain.
A girl walks in the room. She asks her mom, "Why's my name Flower?" Her mom said, "When you were born, a flower fell on your head." Brick walks in the room. Jasvidnqzkdvsosbd.
(To a thief) If you like taking things, how about you take my life?