You jokes
What's a chair's favorite snack?
Chair-ies or Cherries if that's how you wanna spell it .3.
Why can you punch an orphan and get away with it?
Because what is he gonna do, tell his parents?
How do you make an elephant float?
One elephant, two scoops of ice cream, and a lot of root beer!
Roses are red, my blood is too, And I've been seeing it a lot more, since I've lost you.
What time do you call me tomorrow?
Is water wet?
I've patched 1,000 roofs, and they don't call you Boris the roof patcher. I've built 100,000 swords and shields, and they don't call you Boris the blacksmith, but you fuck one goat!
Let me tell you how I escaped Iraq. Iran! (;)
Did you hear about the person who died? I would tell you about him, but he died.
What do you call a Black Iron Man?
Robert Browny Jr.
If Stephen Hawking gets a heart attack, where do you go, the hospital or Curry's PC World?
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.
When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"
God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."
Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?
The adult person I asked: Cereal?
Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?
The person: Yes.
Me: WHAT?!!!??!!
Did you know the Bible has a passage about killing babies by smashing them against rocks?
That's probably because microwaves hadn't been invented yet.
What do you call a Mexican door?
Dora.
Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: If you sing the ABCs.
Boy: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNORSTUVWXYZ!
Teacher: Where’s the P?
Boy: In my pants! Lol. That’s all mates! Have a good day! (Or night)
If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.
How many animals can you fit in a pair of underpants?
A. A cock and a few hairs (hares).
What do you call a field of masturbating cattle?
Beef strokin' off.
People are like tequila glasses,
you gotta shoot them down fast.