You jokes

Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

Because it’s pointless!

What do you call fake spaghetti?

An impasta.

Your race's favorite Star Wars Characters:

Arab...Admiral Ackbar (Allahu Akbar)

East Asian...Qui-Gon Jinn (Ching-Chong-Wing-Wong)

Jew...Rey (Ray)

Black...BB-8 (BBC)

Italian...Jabba the Hutt (Pizza Hut)

German...Admiral Piett (Hitler)

If you want any pictures of cheese for your laptop, I've got enough to Philadelphia.

If you start at a bait shop, you're an amateur baiter, but once you achieve the highest level, you become a master baiter. Now buy a shrimp boat and become a master baiter on a shrimp boat.

I've patched 1,000 roofs, and they don't call you Boris the roof patcher. I've built 100,000 swords and shields, and they don't call you Boris the blacksmith, but you fuck one goat!

Did you hear about the person who died? I would tell you about him, but he died.

Let me tell you how I escaped Iraq. Iran! (;)

What's a chair's favorite snack?

Chair-ies or Cherries if that's how you wanna spell it .3.

What time do you call me tomorrow?

What do you call a country with nukes?

Abomination.

What do you call an overweight psychic?

A four chin teller.

How do you punish Helen Keller? Just move the couch.

I love you.

Good afternoon. My name is Russell, and I am a wilderness explorer of Tribe 54, Sweat Lodge 12. Are you in need of any assistance today, sir?

You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)

What is the difference between a flat tire bicycle and a woman?

Answer: You need to pump the tire on the bicycle before you ride it, while a woman you need to ride her and pump.

What do you get when you cross the terms homeless and abandoned?

POORphan

How do you clean the ocean?

With tide!

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lick-alot-a-puss.