You jokes
"How would you describe a really bad skeleton?"
"Bad to the bone!" (Or "Rotten to the bone" if you want.)
Your hairline goes so far back you can see a full world scale map in your forehead reflection.
If ugliness was a brick, you would be the Great Wall of China.
How do you get 1000 followers?
Walk into an African village with a water bottle.
How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "Johnny, do you pray before you eat?" Little Johnny says, "I don't need to, my mum makes good food."
Public speaking is a more popular fear than snakes, and you don't see anyone walking in Australia and shout, "Look out! A podium!"
Wanna go to suicide school, then time travel to Hitler's bunker and ask him to teach you?
Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted!
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
If a pirate was a pervert, he would say, “Are you ready, kid?”
Friend: You are joking.
Me: Joking on deez nuts.
Don't you just want to go on a mass murder while listening to goodbye Moonman? Oh, just me... OK.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Are you kidding? Feminists can’t change anything.
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
Are you adopted?
No.
I mean, who would want you?
How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it a la mode.
What do you call a magic car?
A human.
What do you call 2 spies fucking?
Undercover.