You jokes
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? You're not dead.
You're so fat, when you fall, the sidewalk cracks.
Do you know what the equivalent to hell is these days?
1. Listening to your teacher.
2. Not having your phone/game/TV.
3. Not having nicotine.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
*at school*
Nobody: Do you want nuts?
Me: Wait, you have some?
Nobody: Yeah, they're my own.
Me: :0
🤡🤡
You're so fat, when you step on a scale it says, "To be continued."
What do you call a stoned Mexican?
Baked bean.
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground meat.
Money means nothing to me. Ask me for it, you will get nothing.
What do you call Dominos when it doesn't know how to cook pizza?
Domi-don't-knows...
What do you call the ghost of the Thanksgiving turkey? A Poultrygeist.
What kind of ankle are you? A broken ankle.
How do you think the unthinkable? An iceberg.
Hey, you know those birds and lizards that feast on decaying flesh?
Oh, sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.
What did the knife say to the other knife?
"Knife to meet you."
What do you call a Mexican that has lost his car?
Carlos!
What do you get when you eat a hamburger?
Mustard gas.
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"
Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"