You jokes
What's the difference between parents and depression? At least one of them leaves you.
What do you call a priest in a room full of naked boys?
A colonoscopy.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just WAVED. Can you SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Why are you so SALTY? Don't be a BEACH.
"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."
I have no father or no milk. Like if you relate.
Roses are red, violets are blue, You think violets are blue, what the hell is wrong with you?
Patient: "I'm starting to forget things."
Doctor: "Since when have you had this condition?"
Patient: "What condition?"
How do you circumcise someone from Alabama?
Kick his sister's jaw.
Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.
What do you get when you cross a vacuum and a rooster?
A cock sucker.
Forehead is so big that you wear a bed sheet for a bandana.
What do you call a retard with a boner? A slowpoke.
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
Friend says, "You were so drunk last night, you threw a mushroom at a midget and said, 'Grow, Mario, grow.'"
What do you call a gay dinosaur? Megasoreass.
Mom: Wake up!
Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...
Mom: Why are you disappointed?
Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...
How you feel when you slit yourself once: :(
How you feel when you slit yourself more than once: <:(
How you feel when you slit yourself everyday: *dead inside*
Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.
Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.
Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."
Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"
Guy: "Yup"
Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"
Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"
Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.
He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.
We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)