You jokes

I have no father or no milk. Like if you relate.

Roses are red, violets are blue, You think violets are blue, what the hell is wrong with you?

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? -- A stick.

Patient: "I'm starting to forget things."

Doctor: "Since when have you had this condition?"

Patient: "What condition?"

How do you circumcise someone from Alabama?

Kick his sister's jaw.

Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.

Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.

Forehead is so big that you wear a bed sheet for a bandana.

Raaj went up to his mom and said, "I bet you 10 dollars I can disappear." Then he turned off the lights.

If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”

How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?

When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?

The wheelchair floats to the top.

Friend says, "You were so drunk last night, you threw a mushroom at a midget and said, 'Grow, Mario, grow.'"

How you feel when you slit yourself once: :(

How you feel when you slit yourself more than once: <:(

How you feel when you slit yourself everyday: *dead inside*

Mom: Wake up!

Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...

Mom: Why are you disappointed?

Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...

What do TVs and girls have in common?

They both show you stuff when you turn them on!

Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."

Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"

Guy: "Yup"

Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"

Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"

Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.

He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.

We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)

A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.

The German sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know?" The German says, "Because it's so cold."

Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Australia." The others ask, "How do you know?" He replies, "Because it's so warm."

Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says, "We are in Mexico." The others ask, "How do you know?" He says, "Because my watch is gone."

A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"

What do you call a white person having a seizure?

A vanilla shake.