You jokes
I have no father or no milk. Like if you relate.
How do you circumcise someone from Alabama?
Kick his sister's jaw.
Patient: "I'm starting to forget things."
Doctor: "Since when have you had this condition?"
Patient: "What condition?"
Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.
Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.
Memes
Forehead is so big that you wear a bed sheet for a bandana.
How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
Friend says, "You were so drunk last night, you threw a mushroom at a midget and said, 'Grow, Mario, grow.'"
So, my sister is a feminist. I asked her, "Do you want to hear a rape joke?" She said no. I still decided to force one down her throat anyway.
How you feel when you slit yourself once: :(
How you feel when you slit yourself more than once: <:(
How you feel when you slit yourself everyday: *dead inside*
Mom: Wake up!
Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...
Mom: Why are you disappointed?
Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...
Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."
Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"
Guy: "Yup"
Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"
Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"
Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.
He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.
We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A vanilla shake.
A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"
Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated your arms."
"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a smurf?
A: Blue cheese.
When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.
Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."