You jokes
I have no father or no milk. Like if you relate.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? -- A stick.
How do you circumcise someone from Alabama?
Kick his sister's jaw.
Patient: "I'm starting to forget things."
Doctor: "Since when have you had this condition?"
Patient: "What condition?"
Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.
Memes
Forehead is so big that you wear a bed sheet for a bandana.
If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”
How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
You know what the worst thing about gang rape is?
Having to wait your turn.
Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.
Friend says, "You were so drunk last night, you threw a mushroom at a midget and said, 'Grow, Mario, grow.'"
Mom: Wake up!
Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...
Mom: Why are you disappointed?
Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...
What do TVs and girls have in common?
They both show you stuff when you turn them on!
How you feel when you slit yourself once: :(
How you feel when you slit yourself more than once: <:(
How you feel when you slit yourself everyday: *dead inside*
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."
Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"
Guy: "Yup"
Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"
Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"
Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.
He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.
We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A vanilla shake.
A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated your arms."