Friend says, "You were so drunk last night, you threw a mushroom at a midget and said, 'Grow, Mario, grow.'"
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? -- A stick.
Mom: Wake up!
Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...
Mom: Why are you disappointed?
Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...
How you feel when you slit yourself once: :(
How you feel when you slit yourself more than once: <:(
How you feel when you slit yourself everyday: *dead inside*
What do you call an athlete who injured 75% of his spine?
A quarterback.
What do you call a blind racist?
A not see.
Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."
Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"
Guy: "Yup"
Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"
Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"
Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.
He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.
We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A vanilla shake.
A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a smurf?
A: Blue cheese.
Roses are red, violets are blue, You think violets are blue, what the hell is wrong with you?
I have no father or no milk. Like if you relate.
Patient: "I'm starting to forget things."
Doctor: "Since when have you had this condition?"
Patient: "What condition?"
If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.
Having homosexual parents must be terrible.
Either you have a double dosage of dad jokes or you are stuck in a cycle of "go ask your mom".
⚠️I’m not racist it’s just a joke⚠️
What do you call four black ppl in a sleeping bag?
A Kit Kat
