You jokes
Did you know that most women are left-handed?
That’s because the majority of them don’t know what to do with rights.
What happens after you eat at a combination Chinese-German restaurant?
An hour later, you're hungry—for power!
I’m am very sad that you guys are making fun of adopted kids because I am adopted :( :( 😢 🥺 😢 😭😭
What did the shell say to the shell?
"Shell you later."
I may not be the brightest candle on the cake, but you can still blow me.
You will find Taylor Swift on the streets before you find your hairline.
Hey woah man, and Alya how are you guys? Oh and hbu jk master? How is life right now? Is it hard? You wanna talk?
I hope every time you watch YouTube, you get 30 second unskippable ads!
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”
“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”
What is the state of California best for? Screwing everything up!
What is the state of Florida for? Rednecks for days!
What is the state of Texas for? Guns!
What is the state of Utah for? Mormons and Pligs baby! (I hate all of the religious stuff!)
What is the state of Idaho for? Calling other people Ho's, mostly!
What is the state of Nevada for? Ever heard of gambling?
What is the state of Delaware for? Literally anything that isn't exciting!
What is the state of New York for? In my state of mind, it's a song! (If you don't get this one, look up the song of New York State of Mind)
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
What do you call a booty that’s always negative?
A pessimist-cheek.
Something you can say about your furniture, but not your partner: "Those legs sure hold a lot of weight."
I arrived at a restaurant early and the manager said, "Do you mind waiting a bit?" I said, "I don’t mind," and he said, "OK. Take these trays to table 9."
What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?
Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.
When was the last time you saw yourself in the mirror?
Hey, you know what I told the kid in a wheelchair?
I told him to be a stand-up comedian!
If you were to drop an emo and a leaf off a tree, who would hit the ground first?
The leaf, because the emo is always hanging.
Some of you need to go to church. I don't want you in hell with me.
This is 15 first-year treating a swan.
Students return: "Without payment?"
The word "I die with many important problems."
Later, you answer this point: "DSD, rats?"