You jokes
What did Google Translate say to Siri?
"Why are you so Siri-ous?"
What did the dirt say to the embers?
You look smoking hot.
I would tell you a joke about a slice of pizza, but it's really... cheesy. I donut think you will come up with a better pun than this.
How do you get two deaf people from fighting?
Turn off the lights and walk out.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Get in the van, or I'll kill you.
What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.
Have you heard my cherry joke? It's pitiful.
Have you heard about the canoe sale down the road? It was an ordeal.
What do you call a stoner when horny?
A weed whacker!
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Yo mama is like train tracks; she gets laid all around the country.
If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?
What do you call a skeleton's omelet?
A bonelet.
Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”
Q: Why don't cars work after you change their wheels?
A: Because they're retired!
When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.
What do you call male mermaids?
Mer-butlers!
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
How do you annoy Pinocchio?
Ask him, "Do you always tell lies?"
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"
The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."