You jokes
What do you call a rapper who's also a pirate?
Captain Rhyme.
"Hi Koko, you said we met a few years ago. What is your real name? Lol."
There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.
She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."
Son said, "But I can't see."
Mom said, "That's the point."
What do you call Nicki Minaj covered in glue?
Sticky Minaj.
People have been telling me that you can get things for free now.
The other day I saw a sign saying "FREE PALESTINE."
Q: Have you ever felt a window?
A: Did you feel the pane?
When you can’t have Chinese food because you don’t have any pets,
just eat African food, you have plenty of neighbors!
"Muffin Man, Muffin Man, he's gonna rape you in his van."
Are you made of Gold, Titanium, Sulfur, Titanium, and Carbon?
Cause damn, you lookin' kinda Au Ti S Ti C!
Grandma: calls You: Hello Grandma, what are you doing? Why, you can't mean I'm right in the house right now? Grandma: I didn't mean to call you, bye.
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.
One day, inexplicably, my talking parrot started insulting me. He called me an idiot, a fool, a jerk, stupid, and a variety of other nasty names. I warned the squawker to cease, but to no avian avail. Fed up, I finally flipped the foul-mouthed feather-brain into the freezer...but after about 15 seconds, I relented and let him out.
"I'm so sorry," he declared! "I don't know what came over me, and realize I shouldn't have said those terrible things. I hope you can forgive me, and I promise never to do it again! By the way...what did the chicken do?" 🐔😂
What do you call a cat 🐈 that is glued down? A big cluck.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.
What do you call it when an orphan takes a selfie?
A family photo.
What do you call a dog with no tail?
A tail-less dog.
What do you call your son?
An mistake.
I SH so much, even when I die and become a ghost, you can see red stripes floating around the room.
There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".
At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.
A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."