You jokes

Leaf

You are so skinny that the only difference between you and a leaf is color.

Memes

Zoo

Roses are red, violets are blue, when I saw you I thought of the zoo and monkeys too!

Hand

If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀

Headline

Have you heard about the corduroy pillow cases? They've been making headlines.

House

Have you walked into Steven Hawking's house yet?

Yeah, neither has he.

Orphan

Little boy: Are you an orphan?

Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?

Little boy: Your parents.

School

School is a lot like boot camp. The only difference is that you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.

Book

Salman Rushdie got a new book out.

It's called "Buddha. You Fat Cunt."

Kangaroo

What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.

What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.

Cat

If a cat hits you with her tail, is it considered being pussy whipped?

Homework

Teacher: What does a chicken give you?

Student: An egg!

Teacher: What does a fat cow give you?

Student: Homework!

Shooting Range

When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range, but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...