You jokes
What do you call someone who wants to jump off a building?
Cause they want to become Super Man.
Ring.. Ring.. Yes this is Dave from the Orphanage, "you make 'em we take 'em", how may I be of service?
Latias is red.
Latios is blue.
You should always remember to put up your curtains because I Pikachu.
I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.
What did one butt cheek say to the other butt cheek?... You crack me up.
That one stupid kid in class :
You know what the difference between Kobe Bryant and Russell Westbrook is?
He wears 0 and Kobe has 0 lives left.
When you step on the scales, it says "to be confined."
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Suck its cock.
Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?
Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.
If you take an emo kid grocery shopping.
You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.
He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"
She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."
What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"
Person: You're so ugly.
Me: You ugly.
Person: I'm not a mirror.
Me: And I'm not your reflection.
What do you call an ex-lesbian?
A clitter quitter.
I’d roast you, but your mirror does that for me every day.
When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"
Imagine you are getting eaten by an alligator. What do you do?
Stop imagining!
How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?
Juans upon a time.
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."