You jokes
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
What do you call yourself when you fist a midget?
A ventriloquist.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, you look like a donkey, and smell like one, too.
Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
Did you hear about that Muslim party?
It was a blast!
What do you call a prostitute weed dealer?
A pot-hole.
I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.
What do you call an emo with no breasts? A cutting board.
What do you call an emo kid with light-up shoes? A human chandelier.
Me: Hey friend!
Friend: Yes?
Me: What is the missing sense? Seeing, smelling, _, tasting, hearing.
Friend: Touch.
Me: What do you spawn on Minecraft always? (jk only 99.99%)
Friend: Grass.
Me: And you get?
Friend: Touch grass.
What do you call a bowling ball that falls from the sky and knocks down all the bowling pins?
An airstrike.
Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!
So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.
What did Google Translate say to Siri?
"Why are you so Siri-ous?"
Do you know where time is? Because it keeps flying by.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
Have you heard my cherry joke? It's pitiful.
Have you heard about the canoe sale down the road? It was an ordeal.
How do you annoy Pinocchio?
Ask him, "Do you always tell lies?"
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"
The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."