You jokes
How do you get the depressed kid out of the tree? You cut the rope.
What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?
A sourpuss.
What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.
Bf: Hey, what ya doing?
Gf: Just lying in bed.
Bf: Just lying in bed?
Gf: And eating cereal.
Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?
Gf: Eat my cereal.
Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.
Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.
What do you call an orphan taking a picture?
A self-portrait.
When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"
Dad: What time do you wanna go to the dentist?
Daughter: *tooth hurty*
Dad: All right.
Man A: "Is Google male or female?"
Man B: "Female, because it does not let you finish the sentence before making a suggestion."
You would think catholic churches would be in favor of condoms: less DNA evidence.
Using pi, distract the fat kid next to you so you can copy his answers.
Why don't you act like an amoeba and split?
Hello Miss Chandia, here. I want to tell you guys a joke.
What do jokes serve for dessert?
Do you have a halo, cause I can give you one.
When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?
Wanna ride a reindeer for Christmas? *rubs my antlers on you*
You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
A couple and their friends were riding their tricycle, and one wheel fell off. They discussed what to do, and finally the friend said, "Why don't you just use me?" The boyfriend said, "Why did I not think of using the third wheel?"
Going to church, you don't think you are Christian.
Sleeping with ten men, you don't think you are straight.
What happens to a baby when you let it run loose? It can't cause it can't run yet.
Do you know where time is? Because it keeps flying by.