You jokes
Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.
Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.
Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?
Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!
What did the rope say to my depressed ass?
~ Hey, you wanna hang?
Hey, what's the puniest pun you can come up with?
Are you dead? Because you look like my dog.
What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight each other?
Alien vs. Predator.
What do you call a bird with no wings?
Answer: A FLAP.
"Why don't you want to taco 'bout it?"
"Cause I'm nacho friend anymore."
In America, you find Waldo.
In Soviet Russia, Waldo finds you.
The Schönes restaurant has a great atmosphere. Order a counter and pay Tari, or Eich super made sure food and drinks stayed upright.
The historic gastronomy of the Hochspreizener, however, is even better. The lasagna is delicious and the rest will be waiting for you for days. Microwave effect. War is great.
This company is not cheap and the methods are excellent.
You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
The poacher agrees but says that his assistant is ill and will need the man to come with him in his assistant's place. The man agrees, and so the poacher goes out to the jungle with the man.
The poacher brings a pair of handcuffs, a long stick, a shotgun, and a dog. They search through the jungle for about an hour and then spot a male gorilla above in the treetops.
The man asks the poacher what the plan is. The poacher replies, "I'm going to climb the tree and, when I get close enough, I'm going to start poking the gorilla with the stick until it falls out of the tree.
The dog is a specially trained dog. When the gorilla falls out of the tree, the dog will try to bite off the gorilla's balls. When the gorilla moves its hands to protect its balls, you put the handcuffs on it."
This all seems to make sense to the man, but he has one question. "What is the shotgun for?" he asks the poacher. The poacher responds: "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the dog."
What do you call it when a lizard can’t get a boner?
Ereptile Dysfunction!
what do you call a terrorist attack in india?
a wednesday.
What do you call a wizard who can't secure a girl? Fumbledore.
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
What do you call women's rights: A blank sheet of paper.
What's the difference between a little boy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't scream when you put your meat in it.
JFK: Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.
When you look exactly like your dead cousin and everybody thinks she faked her death.
FUCKING MENT
We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.