You jokes
How do you enter your house?
Through Bill Gates!
What do you call a disabled Asian?
"Sum ting wong."
At least if you're fat you don't need to put as much bathwater in the bath.
What do you call a black coconut?
A CoonConut.
What do you call a man with no hands? Clapless.
A cheetah and a lion are racing.
The cheetah wins.
The lion says, "You a cheetah!"
The cheetah replies, "Nah, you a lion!"
What do you call a woodpecker with no beak? A headbanger.
What do you call a girl who is thirsty for water?
An H2hoe.
What does the Cow say to the spy?
"Are you udder cover?"
How do you get a nun pregnant?
You dress her up as an altar boy.
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Students: "Meat."
Teacher: "Very good. Now what does the pig give you?"
Students: "Bacon."
Teacher: "And finally, what does the fat cow give you?"
One of the students: "Homework!"
Your mum is so smart, but she still can’t figure out why she had you.
A woman walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs.
The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea with that." The woman replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?
Stop eating caterpillars.
Where do you find white people on a bench?
- The NBA.
Stephen Hawking tried comedy.
His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If it sinks it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s boy-ant (buoyant).
"Bippidy boppidy boo! Bill Cosby is coming for you!"