You jokes
What do you call a stupid pig? A pious.
Me: I'm afraid of random letters.
Therapist: You are?
Me: [screams]
Therapist: Oh, I see.
Me: [screaming intensifies]
What does the woman say to the cannibal at the fashion show?
"Who are you wearing?"
Say "I hop in this:".
I made you eat your peas! 🤦
When you ask your mom for candy but you grab from the wrong drawer...
Memes
I'm sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer.
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
I'm afraid for my gay calendar. Its days are numbered!
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What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter what you call it; it won’t come to you.
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Did you hear about the baseball game between America and Ethiopia?
America - 8
Ethiopia - didn't.
Hey girl, are you my boss? 'Cause you just gave me a raise.
What do you call a tall person?
A tall person.
What do you say when an emo cuts themself?
"Like your cut, G."
God loved you so much that He gave you one face and started clearing off a place for another.
You know if you poo on the toilet at 11:59 PM...
Then at 12:01 AM, it's just the same shit, different day...
What do you call the American healthcare plan for poor people?
Death.
What do you call sweaty titties?
Humititties.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
Why? You ask.
Because it only takes one charge to bring it back to life.
You're so fat, the only thing you could be for Halloween is the Kool-Aid Man.