You jokes
You have an entire life being an idiot, why not take a day off?
Hello, I am Sflugo. I am opening the Pro Orphan Joke Club because a lot of people are saying to get rid of them, but we say NO! If you want to join, comment and say, "#SaveOrphanJokes."
How do you break up blind people in a fight? Scream, "I put my money on the guy with the knife!"
What did one squirrel say to the other? "Do you have any nuts?"
What do you call 2 octopuses that look the same? Identical!
Where does an octopus put its money? In an octo-purse!
screw global warming
What did one cow say to the other? You are mootiful!
How do you keep a bull from charging?
You take its credit card away.
What do you call a pissed off midget?
A micro-aggression.
You are all going to be pun-ished!
"Hi, Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?"
"Oh, Johnny, you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs."
"I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."
Why didn't the skeleton go to prom?
He was dead. You fool. You fell for my trick. I'm very heartless.
Oh wait.
You fool!
McDonald's was originally called "Mac and Dick," so, if you think about it, you could be enjoying a Big Dick instead of a Big Mac.
What do you call an otter video game that is about robbing?-
Grand Theft Otter!
What is a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it’s the "R," but it’s actually the "C".
My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?"
Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?
On September 11, 2001, I was in geometry class.
On that day, we learned you can remove one side of a pentagon by intersecting it with a plane.
What do you call a gay guy on the BBQ?
LGBBQ.
How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
Why is "dark" spelled with a K and not a C?
Because you can't see in the dark.
A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”
Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”