You jokes
Roses are red, Violets are fine, You can be the six, And I can be the nine.
If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?
The Royal Commission.
Alternatively, Tony Abbott.
What's the difference between a gun and a penis?
The American government does not define you as having the constitutional right to a penis.
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
Lots of blood tests!
What did the full glass say to the empty glass? "You look drunk!"
Memes
"If you want to win swiftly, camp the enemies' spawn."
- Sun Tzu
Yo, so poor that you wash your paper plates and cutlery in a kids' dishwasher.
You went to the bed store asking for a water bed. They put a pillow and sheets on the ocean.
You are so adopted that you don't have a home button on Google Maps.
What do you call an Indian that came home late?
A curfew muncher.
What do you call a Christian Asian?
Hao Li.
"Hi, this is Dave's orphanage—you make it, we take it."
What do you call an orphan family? None existent.
What do you call a baby on the battlefield?
Free shield!
What do you call it when an orphan goes to Panera Bread?
"Panera, my parents are dead."
What do you call it when Panera Bread is a book?
Panera Read.
What chips are you not allowed to give to orphans?
Family size.
You twin towers because I'm tryna ram in you tonight.
Why can't people in Africa have medicine?
Because you cannot have pills on an empty stomach.
A guy asks his priest friend what he wants to eat, and the priest says "bad boys." Then his friend asks, "What kebab do you want?" and the priest says, "B Bricked up Caucasian or Asian will do."