You jokes
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
No Body Knows.
No body nose.
When the school lets you near children again...
Stephen Hawking tried comedy.
His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
Blood is red.
Bruises are blue. I forget the rest... um, I hate you...?
Memes
When you're exercising and you feel the “gush.”
Roses are red, Violets are blue, You slept with my cousin but I did too.
A man gets captured by cannibals.
Every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."
What do you call a woodpecker with no beak? A headbanger.
A cheetah and a lion are racing.
The cheetah wins.
The lion says, "You a cheetah!"
The cheetah replies, "Nah, you a lion!"
What do you call a black coconut?
A CoonConut.
At least if you're fat you don't need to put as much bathwater in the bath.
How do you enter your house?
Through Bill Gates!
What do you call a disabled Asian?
"Sum ting wong."
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair? A TANK!
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving; you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
If you say the word "gullible" slowly, it will sound like you're saying "orange."
If your blind girlfriend says you have a big cock, she's probably just pulling your leg.
Hoes be like, "I've been through a lot."
No, a lot's been through you.
Ex-Boyfriend: You have no ass, so we're through!
Me: Stop being a dickhead, dude!! It ain't gonna make your little sausage any bigger!