You jokes

What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.

How to treat someone who’s lesbian, gay, queer, transgender or bisexual?

The same way that you would treat anybody else, you homophobic bastard.

EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"

Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

"Don't worry, you can keep the tip."

My sister said the onion is the only vegetable that can make you cry...

So I threw a carrot at her.

To master puns, you got to relish them first. That's how I must(ar)d it. Who knows, maybe you will ketchup to my level.

What did the blonde say when I told a rape joke?

"Can you show me what rape is?"

How do you put an end to MeToo? Just fill those combined showers with transgender women.

When you think you can’t fail anymore if you’re dead, then you fail at suiciding.

What do you call a Black person going down a waterslide? Sewage.

You are so skinny that the only difference between you and a leaf is color.

What do you call a group of emo kids?

The suicide squad.

Do you know pigeons die when they have sex?

I mean, the one I fucked died.

Hey girl, are you a farmer? Because you sure know how to raise a cock.

I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"

What's the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?

Pikachu, I choose you!

How do you make an Indian explode?

You press the red dot.

What's the difference between a baby and a brick?

A brick doesn't cry when you throw it on a wall.

H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?

W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.

*Later that day*

W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?

H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:

"Are - my - test - results - back?"