You jokes

What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.

Are you sad? Then don't be sad, because sad backwards is das, and das no good.

What is the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

You're so fat, when people see you running, they can't help but yell out, "Keep running!"

She said you can twerk, so I put her in a tractor and put her to work. She got mad at me and said, "There's no good men," but I gave her a kob and equal pay!

Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.

And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.

What do you call a group of sped kids with AK-47s?

Special forces.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 10 fingers, the middle ones are for you.

Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"

A little riddle...

Trump has it short, Kennedy has it long, the Pope has it but he doesn't use it, what is it?

...

Obviously the Surname, what are you thinking about you pervert?

How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?

Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.

What do you call it when an orphan takes a selfie?

A family portrait.

A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"

She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"

He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

What do you call identical tall people? Twin Towers.

Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?

"No."

Yeah, but then he woke up.

A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"

She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.

He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"

My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"

I said: "Why?"

My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"

I said: "KNEW IT!"

A homeless kid walked up to another kid and said, "I have what you don't." He said, "(Parents)."

And the kid said, "Your right, I do have parents," and walked away.

What do you call two Mexicans playing ping pong? Juan on Juan.

Your forehead is so big you can smoke a cigar in the rain.