You jokes
Guys, say "I love gape horn" really loud and you will get good luck for 10 years.
An orphanage is like a horse rescue. You rescue them, rehabilitate them, then sell them for as much as possible.
When Ariana Grande broke up with Pete, she said, "I have one less problem without you."
Are you a bullet? 'Cause you're stuck in my head.
Person: Why? You: No.
When you overslept and can't find Noah
Yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued," and it said, "Fuck you."
My friends:
Maya: I only get 9 hours of sleep.
Josh: 9 hours? I get 7 hours of sleep.
Noah: You get 7? I get 4 hours of sleep.
Me: You guys are getting sleep...
So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"
Crack me, break me, love me, and you ate me--egg.
When the quiet kid tells you not to go to school the next day, but your mom makes you go anyway.
What do you call a Russian pharmacist?
"Ivan Astichestykov."
What does a construction worker say to another construction worker?
Screw you!
Are you Paris, 'cause Eiffel for you.
Did you know Hellen Keller had a doll house in her backyard? Neither did she.
Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.
Wife: Aww, thanks.
Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.
I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"
Why do sisters hate you?
Because you're their favorite stepbrother :P
Wow, Gwen even said she loves TJ! She just did!
Prince, look at it. You are going to be crushed. It is in bored jokes and it has 65 comments, look there!
Have you ever eaten African food?
A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!"
The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don’t follow you..."