You jokes
Crack me, break me, love me, and you ate me--egg.
When the quiet kid tells you not to go to school the next day, but your mom makes you go anyway.
Person: Why? You: No.
The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not your dad."
Then he says, "What comes after 47?"
The quiet kid says, "AK."
What do you call a white man sandwiched between two black men in a blue sleeping bag?
An Oreo.
Your forehead is so big even Mega Mind knew you were smarter.
What do you call people who have an Oedipus complex?
Motherfuckers.
You get on an elevator and you find the Pope and Donald Trump cowering from two snarling wolves. In your hand you find a revolver with only two bullets in it... what do you do?
You shoot the Pope and the Donald each in a leg and exit the elevator at the next stop.
What do you call two Mexicans playing ping pong? Juan on Juan.
Your forehead is so big you can smoke a cigar in the rain.
Did you?
Why do sisters hate you?
Because you're their favorite stepbrother :P
Are you Paris, 'cause Eiffel for you.
Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?
Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.
"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.
An orphanage is like a horse rescue. You rescue them, rehabilitate them, then sell them for as much as possible.
When Ariana Grande broke up with Pete, she said, "I have one less problem without you."
So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"
Are you a bullet? 'Cause you're stuck in my head.
Hey guys, how was your day?
If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.
I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.