You jokes

Did you know the past tense of William Shakespeare is Wouldiwas Shookspeared?

Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.

And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.

What do you call a group of sped kids with AK-47s?

Special forces.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 10 fingers, the middle ones are for you.

How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?

Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.

What do you call a Mexican who's lost his car?

Carlos.

What you call suicide, I call a failed speedrun attempt.

What do you call an orphanage?

A parent-less shelter/homeless shelter.

I still remember the last thing Gaster said before he kicked the bucket, it was, "Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?" (Sans)

What do you call it when an orphan takes a selfie?

A family portrait.

A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"

She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"

He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?

"No."

Yeah, but then he woke up.

A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"

She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.

He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"

I'm sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer.

When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?

Imagine someone leaving a cut-out of Jeff Bezos on your car after you found out your blind bf cheated on you, and the McDonald's employee says over the speaker, "Weren't expecting him to see other hoes were you?"

A homeless kid walked up to another kid and said, "I have what you don't." He said, "(Parents)."

And the kid said, "Your right, I do have parents," and walked away.

What do you call identical tall people? Twin Towers.

Hey guys, how was your day?

If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.

I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.

Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?

Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.