You jokes

Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...

Two terrorists walk into a bar.

The bartender asks what they are talking about. Terrorist 1 says, "We are going to kill 14k people and a donkey."

The Bartender asks, "Why a donkey?"

Then Terrorist 2 says, "See, I told you no one would care about the 14k people."

What do you call a shoe made by George Floyd?

The Breath Takers.

Q: What do you call a Chinese billionaire?

A: Cha-Ching!

What do you get when you cross a dick and a potato?

A dictator.

I had a great day today because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table, and the teacher screamed, "Allison, how would you like it if I banged you on the table?"

Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?

Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.

Riddler: Riddle me this, are you scared of the big black?

Person: Big black what?

Riddler: ...

Person: I'm scared of what you mean because you won't tell me what you mean.

In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.

Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?

Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.

Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.

I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.

She whispered, "They're right behind you!"

"White people can't jump..."

"You must not have seen the Twin Towers on 9/11."

Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff?

Neither did I until I found his Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

How do you know a woman is blind?

Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I thought someone else was ugly, but then I saw you.

What is the difference between a cow and 9/11?

You can’t milk a cow for 15 years.

Are you a blanket? Because I love it when you’re on top of me.

How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?

Put barbecue sauce on it.