You jokes

Why are Captain from SpongeBob and Michael Jackson so similar?

They both say, "Are you ready, kids?"

I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words. They wanted to hear them. They are: "you still holding the ladder?"

The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.

Even if there were no gravity, I would still fall for you...

What do you call suicidal Hitler?

Slitler.

By the law, you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle.

I asked my friend if they will show me something retarded. He said, "Go look in a mirror." I said, "Thank you."

What do you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.

Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?

Her: What?

Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.

What do you call a bear without teeth? A gummy bear hahaha.

Did you know that Uranus is as big as the moon?

Even if there was no gravity, I'd still fall for you.

How is smoking similar to oral sex?

The closer to the butt you get the stronger the flavor! 🤢

What song do you think was playing at the school?

"Pumped Up Kicks"

What do you call a heterosexual man giving a brojob to another heterosexual man?

gay now, heterosexual later.

Friend 1: I don't want to jump.

Friend 2: Me neither.

Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.

Friend 1: *jumps*

Friend 2: *jumps*

Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!

Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.

What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you after you put a load in it.

What do you call a cow that eats grass?

A lawn mooer.

What do you call a sad strawberry?

A blueberry.

You remind me of a snowflake, beautiful and unique. One touch and you're wet.