You jokes
My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?
Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.
He was saying jokes, and someone said, "You are on a roll!"
Dad: Johnny, Johnny?
Johnny: Yes, Papa.
Dad: Getting women?
Johnny: Yes, Papa.
Dad: Telling lies?
Johnny: No, Papa.
Dad: Well, you're 100% lying because you get NO WOMEN!
How can you save a depressed person from a tree?
You cut the rope.
You know it’s called the circle of life? Because there’s no point to it.
Did you hear about the restaurant they're putting on the moon?
Good food, but no atmosphere.
My Bff: Hey do want any coffee?
Me: Yeh, of course.
My Bff: Ok which one?
Me: You know... the black one.
Me: Like my soul...
My Bff: Jeez you ok?
There are only 2 genders: if you have a dick, or a pussy.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm stuck on the Eston Front, And so are f***ing you.
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
Q: What do you call a zombie with no mouth?
A: Useless.
What do you call a disabled Chinese person?
Som Ting Wong.
It's okay if you miss while saying "Kobe" because he didn't make it either.
A woman goes to buy a parrot.
There is one for 200, 500, and one for 15 bucks.
She asks why the last one is so cheap.
The man at the counter says, "It used to live in a brothel/sex house."
The lady buys it anyway.
When she gets home, it says, "Fuck me, a new brothel!"
When her daughters get home, it says, "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!"
When the father gets home, the parrot says, "Fuck me, Daryl, haven't seen you in the brothel in weeks!"
Life's a bitch, and then you die. I now see what they mean.
Are you lightning?
Because you're McQueen.
You cat to be kitten me right meow!
If you drop an emo and a piece of paper out of a tree, you know what will hit the floor first? The paper, because the rope will stop the emo.
Yo mama so stupid that she shit and farted on you, asshole!