You jokes
Are you a wild girl, cause I want to catch you with my pokeballs?
You aren't alone. If you ever need to chat, I'm here. From one person to another. I hate this condition. I wish we didn't struggle.
What do you call a black person in a dark room?
Invisible.
How do you punish a blind man?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning?
It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.
If a man is willing to try his hardest to give you the moon and stars, then ladies, you should be willing to give up Uranus.
When you turn off all the annoying beeping things in the hospital, and everyone starts sleeping better.
Would you like to eat some African food?
So would they...
Don’t cry when you attend my funeral, I was dead long ago so why cry now?
I was sad, so I called the depression hotline. Turns out the depression hotline is where people roast you until you are depressed.
What do you call 2 homeless people throwing rocks at each other? "Pillow Fight!"
Q: Have you ever felt a window?
A: Did you feel the pane?
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.
What do you call an atheist bone? -- A blasfemur.
How do you stop your newspaper from flying away in the wind? -- Use a news anchor.
"You da bomb!" "No, you da bomb!"
In the US, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.
One man walks up to another and says, "Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping at Main Street?" The guy says, "No." The other guy says, "Oh, he woke up."
My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.
Then I asked him how many years ago.
He replied with, "When were you born?"
Q: How do you get a one armed person out of a tree?
A: You wave at them.