What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
You Jokes
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash and carry.
You couldn't spit out a good sentence, even if you ate a bowl of alphabet soup.
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, and you listen closely, you can hear the chair screaming.
There are 206 bones in my body.
When I look at you, it becomes 207.
A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." "What do you expect?" he says, "You're in a fucking wheelchair!"
A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"
Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"
"Our wedding video."
What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?
The doctor taking off his watch.
What do you call a terrorist in water?
A bath bomb π
Did you know that the F in orphan means family?
There's no F in orphan?
Exactly.
My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.
What does one orphan say to another orphan on Opposite Day? "Do you want to go home?"
What do you call an Iraqi swimming in the water?
A bath bomb.
Dad: Ok son, if you fail this test, you're no longer my child, ok?
Son: Ok dad.
AFTER TEST
Dad: Hey son, how'd the test go?
Son: Son?
What do you call a cow without legs? Ground beef.
Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Seine.
If you drive a Lamborghini, then you have a tiny weenie.
Iβd like to take you to the movies, but unfortunately, they donβt let you bring your own snacks.
A person asks a taxidermist what they do for a living. The taxidermist replies, "Oh, you know, stuff."
