You jokes
Hey girl, are you a drill sergeant, because you have my privates' attention.
As a scientist, I confirm that you speak too fast. It has a speed of 1 bullshit per second.
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash and carry.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalffeinated.
What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?
Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! 😂
If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.
(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)
What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?
Someone: Ugly?
Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.
Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!
Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.
What do you call a group of transgender women? Ex-Men.
What should you never say to a Japanese person? "You're da bomb!"
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
What do you call it when you rickroll someone in the LGBTQ?
You just got fruit-rolled.
My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"
I told him, "Probably a bullet."
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.
Boobs are like batteries...
AA will get the job done...
C is bigger than AA...
D is bigger that C...
...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!
"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!"
"Wait! I can explain everything!"
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Yo mum." "Yo mum who?" "Yo mum is watching you wank right now."