You jokes
Stop saying negative shit about dark humor jokes! If it bugs you that bad, then go away! That'll solve everything but world hunger and failed abortion.
What do you call a masturbating cow?
Beef stroganoff.
What do you call a snail without a shell?
Dead.
Little Johnny was walking down an alley and saw a lamp. After he rubbed it, a genie came out and said, "You have 10 seconds to have one wish." Little Johnny says he wants to pee alcohol. The genie grants his wish. He tells his family, and his sister doesn't believe it. After having a drink, she says, "We should have this every night!" Little Johnny gets two cups every night, one for him and his sister. He does the same thing for four nights. Eventually, he ran out of cups and has one left. He gives it to himself, and his sister asks, "Where's my cup?" Little Johnny replied, "You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
Poker Face.
Memes
How do you cure a ginger?
Chemotherapy.
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Queen.
Queen who?
You don't know the queen? You're crazy!
Friend: Wanna hear a joke?
Other Friend: Sure.
Friend: Pussy.
Other Friend: I don't get it.
Friend: And you never will.
There was a magician on board the Titanic and said that he could make anything disappear.
Once the ship had gone down one of the passengers said to him, "Go on, so what did you do with the ship then?"
Can you make me a bowl of cereal? Oh wait, your dad never came back with the milk.
Doctor: I have bad news and really bad news.
Patient: What's the bad news?
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
Patient: What's the really bad news?
Doctor: I forgot to tell you yesterday.
What do you call a Chinese rich man? Cha-ching!
How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy.
How do you blindfold an Asian? String!
What do you call a lamp that molests young boys? A Jacko Lantern!
What do you call a bacon from Chernobyl?
Technoblade!
What do you call Stephen Hawking on a bungy jump?
Spasticelastic.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.