You jokes

What do you call a transgender person? Nintendo Switch.

Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?

He ate 12-year-old nuts.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, grabbed her thigh, and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a daughter.

Haha, I fucked you over!

What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?

A trip without kids.

(some kid crying because hes an orphan and kids are bulling him) teacher:HEY i was a orphan to so if you bully him your basicly trying to bully me too me:OOF teacher:now is somebody not here? me:your parents

You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.

What do you call a gay Eskimo?

A snow blower.

How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?

Depends how hard they blow out the candles.

A photon is checking into a hotel.

The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"

The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."

Why do people hate abortion jokes?

It leaves you with an empty feeling inside.

How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?

Put barbecue sauce on it.

What do you do when a woman is choking?

Back up a couple inches.

What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?

"Thanks for coming."

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "He was a little tardy."

I replied to her, "I thought they all were."

How do you make a dishwasher work again?

Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"

How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?

Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.

My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*

Me: Yea-

My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*

Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-

Man: Cow milk is drinkable.

Other man: How do you know that?

Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*

Other man: John...h-how do you know that!

What do you call a boy Panera Bread?

Panera Balls.

Me: Good night, everyone.

My friends and family: Night.

Me: *gets in coffin*

My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.