You Jokes

You call your dad the sun because he is 90 million miles away.

Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!

Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*

Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.

What do you call a flat emo?

A chopping block🖤

What is something you can’t say in a superhero movie?

“Is it a bird, is it a plane, well whatever it is, it’s heading straight for the World Trade Center.”

Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.

What is the similarity of a bomb and a baby?

When you drop them both, everyone screams.

(some kid crying because hes an orphan and kids are bulling him) teacher:HEY i was a orphan to so if you bully him your basicly trying to bully me too me:OOF teacher:now is somebody not here? me:your parents

I'm actually against abortion.

Just go to the car wash and tell 'em you ate too much red pasta!

I rate you 9 out of 10, because I'm the 1 you need.

What do you call a fudge packer who has special needs?

A gay black male that has Down Syndrome.

When Elsa said, "Let it go," you took it too seriously and let go of your hairline.

What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.

What do you call a digital hamburger? Processed meat.

What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?

A chill pill.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was running from you, hehe.

Do you want to buy my Hoover?

I mean... it's just collecting dust.

What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?

Carlos.

What happens when you cross a rhetorical question with a joke?

I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"

What do you do with a dead chemist?

You Ni-tro-gen!