You jokes

Why can't people in wheelchairs be gay? Cuz you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.

Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.

I have a pun, but I will nut tell you!

Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"

"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."

Mom: You will make me kill myself.

Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!

My mom tells me and my sister to stop fighting. "Mom! You and Dad need to stop!"

What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?

A headbanger.

"You raise me up to stand on mountains," said the dwarf pornstar on my penis.

What do you call a white kid at the back of the class?

School shooter.

Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.

I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!

Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?

Comment and join Dumbledore's army in the community to give someone you hate permanent bad luck.

I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.

What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe?

Fur Traders.

What do you call depressed coffee?

Despresso ;)

It's always fun to take anti-depressants, you either choose to take one, or the whole bottle.

I would tell you a recycling joke.

But I’m afraid it’d just be reused over and over.

when you see a depressed kid, you walk up and say "wassup my lil barcode"