You jokes

What did the dime say to the penny? At least I have more cents than you.

"Did you go to the light show?"

"Yeah, it was lit."

Teacher: "I'm sorry, but you got a 74 on the test."

Quiet Kid: "I'll show you my own 74."

Classroom: *visible panic*

What do you call a bunch of Paki's jumping off a cliff?

Chocolate drops.

What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?

The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.

My wife told me to stop being an idiot.

I told her, "Which one do you want?"

I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.

I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific, so I said,

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

How do you stop a woman from choking?

Back up an inch.

Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.

When you were supposed to help the depressed kid, but not "help" the depressed kid.

Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?

Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.

What do you call a group of black people in a shed?

Antique farm equipment.

What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?

One of them is really loud when you iron it.

How do you know if a Black woman is pregnant?

Stick a chicken wing up there.

Q. What do you get when you cross a mentally disabled person with a pedophile? A. Jeffy Epstein.

When Elsa said, "Let it go," you took it too seriously and let go of your hairline.

When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."

I asked an emo girl, "Do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies?"

You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are K, F, and C.