You jokes

"Did you go to the light show?"

"Yeah, it was lit."

Teacher: "I'm sorry, but you got a 74 on the test."

Quiet Kid: "I'll show you my own 74."

Classroom: *visible panic*

What did the dime say to the penny? At least I have more cents than you.

You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.

What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?

I don't know.

Neither do I, but it runs in the family.

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!

What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?

Lim Ping.

I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.

So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!

What do you call a united cow?

United Steaks.

Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"

This dwarf was being mean to me, so I said, "When you get home, I hope Snow White kicks the shit out of you."

What do you call a rapper in a wheelchair?

Young Boy Never Walk again.

What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu? Pikachu, I choose you!

Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.

What do you call a spaceman’s willy?

A Shuttlecock!

One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."

When the school shooter breaks into your classroom, so you try to say goodbye to your Roblox gf, but then the shooter's phone goes off.

My hair strainer is hotter than you.

What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?

I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!