You jokes
What do you call a spaceman’s willy?
A Shuttlecock!
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
When the school shooter breaks into your classroom, so you try to say goodbye to your Roblox gf, but then the shooter's phone goes off.
One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."
You're not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
Science can fly you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.
So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”
No sun.
What are three things you can't give a black guy?
A fat lip, a black eye, and a job.
What did the dime say to the penny? At least I have more cents than you.
"Did you go to the light show?"
"Yeah, it was lit."
Teacher: "I'm sorry, but you got a 74 on the test."
Quiet Kid: "I'll show you my own 74."
Classroom: *visible panic*
What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?
Lim Ping.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.
How do you get a light bulb horny? You turn it on!
If all your clothes were stolen, what would you go home in?
The dark.
My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.