You jokes

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."

The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? You have to ask permission before stuffing it with meat.

How do you get bubblegum out of your hair?

Cancer.

What do you call a Mexican that hung him self? a pinata

Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.

What do you call someone with a pindie spot?

Stop screen recording.

Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781, 200 years before you were born. How did he do that?

What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can't hear an enzyme.

What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?

Unnecessary.

You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.

Remember what one of my gay friends told me: it's only cannibalism if you swallow.

My hair strainer is hotter than you.

What do you call a united cow?

United Steaks.

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?

I don't know.

Neither do I, but it runs in the family.

Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"

What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu? Pikachu, I choose you!

What do you call a rapper in a wheelchair?

Young Boy Never Walk again.

This dwarf was being mean to me, so I said, "When you get home, I hope Snow White kicks the shit out of you."

Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.