You jokes

So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.

A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."

What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?

Unnecessary.

A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.

"You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."

What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?

I don't know.

Neither do I, but it runs in the family.

Science can fly you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.

What are three things you can't give a black guy?

A fat lip, a black eye, and a job.

Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!

“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”

No sun.

What do you call an old black person? Farming antique.

What do you call a united cow?

United Steaks.

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.

Remember what one of my gay friends told me: it's only cannibalism if you swallow.

What do you call a rapper in a wheelchair?

Young Boy Never Walk again.

What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu? Pikachu, I choose you!

This dwarf was being mean to me, so I said, "When you get home, I hope Snow White kicks the shit out of you."

One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."

When the school shooter breaks into your classroom, so you try to say goodbye to your Roblox gf, but then the shooter's phone goes off.

What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?

I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!

My hair strainer is hotter than you.