If I'm ugly, why do you always look at me when I come in the door?
You Jokes
Ninety percent of your beauty can be removed with a Kleenex.
Oh, were you talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.
Hold still, I am trying to imagine you with a personality.
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsh.
What do you call a Chinese millionaire?
Cha ching.
There is a thin line between death and life!
You won't live to see it.....
The Cardiogram will!!
When people make accounts about you and a category.
Like if your best friend is emo. *repost* or like if you have a best friend.
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!
I asked a Japanese chef how to make a good bowl of ramen, he said "Let me show you."
Did you hear about the deaf man who got a ticket?
It's OK, he didn't either!
What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?
Fat, you get fat.
What? Were you expecting a pi joke?
The teacher asked, "Why are you in school on a Saturday?"
I told her my mum told me to go to hell.
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
What do you call terrible milk?
Udder Bullshit.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
-Lift up your foot.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either.
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
What do you call a roach in milk?
A roach con leche. 😂
Little Johnny went to the doctor to get an infection checked on his penis. As the doctor examined it, he asked, "Lil Johnny how did you get an infection on your penis?" Johnny replied, "Well, the damn neighbor Sally's braces are too sharp."
