You jokes
My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"
I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"
Did you know nine of ten dentists recommend oral sex?
Roses are red, violets are blue. I have five fingers, two of them are for you.
What do you call a blind photographer? A waste of money.
What's the difference between family and cats...
Cats won't abuse you at Christmas.
Where do you go if you lost a pencil?
Office Works! They have solved loads of pencil cases.
"You have your entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?"
That moment when you poop 😂
I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.
How do you prevent a physics teacher from drowning? Shoot her before she touches the water.
Mother: We need to talk about sex...
Jason: Oh, sex, tell me what do you wanna know.
Jason had a big whooping from his mother and big spanking from his dad.
Did you hear about the delivery boy that worked for that Italian Restaurant down the street?
Yeah, he Pasta-Way.
What do you call seagulls that fly over a bay? Bay-gulls.
Worst joke Ever: What do you call a fat kom? A FAT MOM! LALALALLA!
What did Stephen Hawking's mum say to him when he asked for £10?
"You can take a run and jump!"
Q: Ten shepherds out in the sheep field. How do you know which one's gay?
A: He's the one the sheep fuck!
(I'm gay, and I know this joke is demeaning and inappropriate, but I still think it's funny as a 2-inch penis.)
Women are like marshmallows because they are white, squashy, and we put our sticks inside you.
A man finds out his wife is cheating on him with his best friend, so he hires a hitman to shoot his wife in the head, and his friend in the balls. The hitman charges $100 per bullet. The man agrees.
Later, they set up, and the hitman looks through the scope and says, “I can save you $100!”
A mom cow's last words were to the mom cow's son. They were, "You are..." then died. The son thought that he was adopted, but then three years later, the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say, "You were adorable." Then she died once more. Then two years later, she rose from the dead for the last time to say to her son, "And that's why we adopted you."
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Make them clap until their parents come back.