You jokes
What's the difference between a fish and a guitar?
You can tuna guitar, but you can't tuna fish!
Why were you born?
Because I asked out your mom on accident.
If Stephen Hawking had a heart attack, do you take him to PC World or A&E?
Knock knock. Who's there? Ieatmop. I eat mop who? Eww, you eat your poo?
People love you.
Don't die.
Memes
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
I’m a god, and I’m here to flex on you bitches. My flight to New York on September 11th was rocky, but I lived.
Imagine dying on a plane, fr. At least try and respawn:/
What do you call a kid in a hot tub?
Vegetable soup.
Why did the Indian man eat a cow? Because he wanted to be fat.
You're so fat, you have more chins than a fat Chinese with heaps of chins!
Orphan joke protest! If you think orphan jokes are bad and wrong, then comment good comments; if not, then just comment! Let's reach 67,000 good comments!
Did you know that Helen Keller had a twin?
Yeah, Helen ate her in the womb.
What do you get when you cross a rooster with a small dog?
DON’T READ THIS IF YOU HAVE NOT PLAYED SETTLERS OF CATAN!
“Wheat is going on?” I asked my godmother. She replied “Godson, I really don’t know, but could you please get me some m-ore Shloer?”
“Ok, I’ll sheep if there’s any in the fridge!”
What do you call a dog with no tail?
A tail-less dog.
Your face was so ugly, you got adopted by a poop!
A girl invites her friends to come to her birthday party, and at the party, one of her friends poops their pants.
When Sally finds out, she yells, “I never should have invited you to my party! You are a party pooper!”
I call my sister a "fat cow," and she asks me, "Want to hear a joke?" I say, "Sure." She says, "You are the joke!"
Can I get a glass of water? I will give you anything you ask.
Really, then give me a pond of water.
What do you call a school bus driver that keeps going to sleep? A monster.