Did you hear about the guy that dipped his balls in glitter?
Pretty nuts, huh?
You Jokes
Jesse: Do you like my ball?
Mike: Yes, they are very big. I can’t even fit them in my mouth. You bought a new ball, right?
Jesse: No, they do not leave me.
What do you call a chomo on the road? Roadkill.
What do you call an animal in space? Just death because you need a spacesuit.
Mickey: I want a divorce!
Minney: Are you fricking crazy?
Mickey: No, I'm fricking Daisy!
Do you know Ligma?
Have fun rubbing those balls in your tomatoes!
You: You are such a flick pain.
Me: You are flick pain to my sight.
Did you know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her Head and Shoulders on the car dashboard.
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
Friend: Ur sister after you were born. 😭
Me: Ur brother after chemotherapy. 😵
Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?
Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."
Therapist: That's not so bad.
Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."
Why can't you run with a pencil in the hallway? Because too many people got killed!
If I tell you, "Jesus is the trickster," am I, or is he?
What do you call an Indian? Indiana Jones.
Your forehead is so big, when you go to the toilet, it bends. You stooped.
What do you call a burning orphan in a wheelchair? Hot Wheels.
What hit the ground first, the orphan or the apple? The apple. The orphan never hit the ground.
Do you know Ligma... potatoes?
How does a disabled person play chess?
I think you forgot they don't have legs.
Happiness belonged to you, then gave you depression.
I either added you because we have shit tons of mutuals, or 'cause I'd let you spit alcohol in my mouth.
I'll let you decide.