You jokes

Friend 1: How can the skeleton tell it was going to rain?

Me: He could feel it in his bones.

Friend 1: No, he read the forecast, you fucking idiot!

Heheh ;3

What time is it when you get home, can walk walk home and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home? Was your dinner night and dinner night?

What do you call the only Trump Supporter to follow his orders to obstruct justice?

Answer: Attorney General William Barr!

I heard they're making a film about Jimmy Savile, it's a very touchy subject.

I heard the film about is so boring it puts you to sleep.

What do you call a baby in the shower? A baby in the shower.

How do you get Dick from Richard?

You ask nicely.

"Fish, why you no fly?"

"I don't like being caught naked."

What do you call a mix of nuts, bolts, and my ex?

A roTHOT.

What did the butt cheek say to the other when you open us a big order of "choochie man" comes out?

Why isn't there a ball pit at Taco Bell? Because it's hard to have fun knowing you might poop your pants.

What do you call the type of photo an orphan takes?

A selfie.

How many babies does it take to paint a barn red? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.

If you spell "swim" backwards you get "miws."

Where is my dad?

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

You-neak up on it.

Hi, how are you doing today?

Me: Knock, knock. You: Who's there? Me: Music. You: Music who? Answer: A guitar is a violin without a stick.

Hi, how are you? Busy doing today, did I have...

How many babies does it take to paint a room red?

Depends how hard you throw 'em.

What do you call a duck that is addicted to drugs?

A quack head!

My mom must be a duck then...

Your mom shat you out after having Taco Bell. That’s why she calls you a little shat.