You know the song "Getting Drunk on a Plane"? It was written by the pilot of the Lingard Skinner pilot.
You Jokes
What do you get when you cross a Muslim in a trench coat and a duffel bag?
A sad news story.
A man walks into a bar and sees a piece of steak on the ceiling.
The cashier says, "If you can grab it, your meal's free!"
The man then said, "Nah, the stakes are too high."
What do you call two bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
What do you sing on a dead person's birthday?
"Happy Death-Day To You!"
Superman has been called to a huge house fire.
Superman: "There you are ma'am, everyone out and all safe!"
Mother: "But my children are still inside! You need to go back an--"
Superman: "Ah fuck'em..."
You guys are idiots!
A friend of mine chews gum, lays back to yawn, then chokes on the gum. Then I said, "God, what, you choking on dick?"
I'm supposed to put a joke here.
But I can't find a mirror...can you find one yourself?
I'm sure you'll laugh.
It's okay to tell a Stephen Hawking joke if there are stairs in your house he can't get to you. Plus, he shut himself down, so it's all good :)
What happens when you suck?
You succ.
Dad: Uh, yeah!
Son: Mom, Dad, what are you doing!
Parents: Sex!
Son: What?
Parents: Look, you can spectate!
I made a bet with my friend that I couldn’t create a working car with spaghetti.
You should have seen her face when I drove pasta! 😂
Wanna hear the car joke?
Nah, it's too fast for you.
What do you play Fallout 4 with low health?
You Fallout.
How do you make a tissue dance?
You give it a little boogie.
You are so small that you play hockey against the curb!
Read this:
Crack
What did you think of? A window crack or the drug?
What do you call Mary Berry when she’s on holiday?
A Cake By The Ocean.
When she says she wrestles, so you pull out your dick and she punches it.