You jokes
A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt, she says, "Oh, what chest!" "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby," he replies. Then he takes off his pants, she says, "Oh, what legs!" He says, "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running. He catches her and says, "Why were you running?" She said, "I didn't wanna be in there once I've seen how small the fuse was."
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
What makes you think feminists can change anything?
Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
My asian neighbors dinner.
Tombstone engraving: "I TOLD you I was sick!"
Lmao
I only have 4 moods:
• fuck this • fuck that • fuck me • fuck you
I empathize with the above, but I have an additional 4 moods to add:
• fuck yeah • fuck no • fuck my life • fuck everything
and don't forget the inevitable
• fuck it
and for those who have just given up
• fuck
This is beautiful.
A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?
Is Google a girl or a boy?
Obviously a girl, because it won't let you finish a sentence without making a suggestion.
When I ask my dad if I got adopted, he said, "Not yet, no one wants you."
What is the difference between light and hard? You can go to sleep with a light on.
What do you call a bunch of depressed kids with AK47s?
Suicide squad. 😂😂😂
What do you call milk that gets everything she wants?
Spoiled milk.
How do you escape a French prison?
Yell angrily in German!
What do you call a mushroom 🍄 with many friends?
A fungi.
My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.
Me: But they're not that long.
If you think about it, the 9/11 memorial is just a scoreboard.
Kid: Dad, what is it like to be drunk?
Dad: You see those two trees over there? If you were drunk, you would see four.
Kid: Dad, there is only one tree.
Roses are red, But grass is greener, When I think of you, I play with my wiener.
Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly:
"And to those of you who wrote Mr. Smith's telephone number on the door of the girl's toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4."
Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?
They say he had locomotives.