You jokes

A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”

Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they don't shoot up schools.

If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?

Euro-peein'.

I was in a public bathroom in a handicap stall, and when I got out, a handicapped man told me that I was an a**hole. I told him, "Bet you won't stand up and say that to my face," and then he broke down.

Where do you buy a dishwasher?

Hot singles in your area.

What type of people think rape jokes are funny?

Only the coolest people in the world! I fucking love you guys 😂

Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?

- He robbed children of their innocence.

It isn't really rape if you speak different languages. I mean, how is the man supposed to know what she is saying? Those could be tears of joy and screams of pleasure.

I bet you $12345678901234567890 that you didn't read that number and you didn't notice that I put a letter in it. No, I didn't, but you went back and looked, didn't you?

You're so poor you wash paper plates.

What do you get when you mix up a group of emos?

Suicide squad.

I only remember my father's last words before he died. He said, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"

Did you hear about the ninja pedophile? No one saw him coming.

How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true, and then the person is a victim for sure.

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:

Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."

This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.

Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"

What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!

If you faked the moon mission, don't apollo-gize.

Monkey Man's mortuary, you stab 'em, we slab 'em.

A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.

On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."

The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."