I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?
In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he's still making fun of me.
