Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."
What did I eat for breakfast yesterday?
10 year olds.
What ended in 1999? 1998.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.
Max likes his girls like he likes his wine. 7 years old and locked in his basement.
A 13 year old girl is having a sleepover. One of her friends asks, "When was the last time you had an orgasm?" She replies, "3 days ago." Dad comes bursting in, "I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT!"
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.
They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.
Why is Santa's sack so big?
He only comes once a year.
What's the best thing about 28 year olds?
- There's 20 of them.
Why does Jesus never vacation on Earth?
Because he traveled down about 2,000 years ago, got with some Jewish chick, and they're still talking about it!
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.
Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
You stop milking a cow after 15 years.
I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?
In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he's still making fun of me.
