Wrong Jokes

Whoever said men will f**k anything that moves is *dead* wrong.

How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.

What is wrong with the orphan website? It doesn't have a homepage.

Your hairline was playing Sorry!

Pulled the wrong card and moved back five spaces.

You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.

I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"

And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"

Yo mama is so fat that she is not wrong when she says the world revolves around her.

Marriage is really educational.

When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.

Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?

Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!

My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.

What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.

(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)

The Twin Towers ordered 3 tacos.

One was just a plane tortilla.

The other one was also just a plane tortilla.

And the third one went to the wrong address.

Doctor, what is wrong with me?

You will never be able to walk again. It ain't like with me on the field it would make the Miami Dolphins any better.

I went to the grocery and they said I did something wrong, but I thought they were talking about a food, so I said, "Wrong yummy!"

I was wrong about AISH workers having no value.

If you get to them soon enough after the murder, you can harvest a few organs.

An optimist says, "The glass is half full."

A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."

A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."

Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"

A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.

Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”

The cold winter night, there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men were gay but they did not know.

Fili: "Fili." Kili: "And Kili." Fili and Kili: "At your service." Kili: "You must be Mr. Baggins." Bilbo: "No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house." Kili: "What?! Has it been canceled?" Fili: "No one told us." Bilbo: "Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled." Kili: "That’s a relief." Fili: "Careful with these, I just had them sharpened." Kili: "It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?" Bilbo: "Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that?" Dwalin: "Fili, Ki­li, come on, give us a hand." Kili: "Mr. Dwalin." Balin: "Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in." Bilbo: "Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste!" One of the Dwarves: "Get off, you big lump!"

Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. It was a bar seat. they were able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it.

How do you make a plumber die?

You kill his family.

I woke up on the floor this morning. I think I woke up on the wrong side though.