Work jokes
Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave. Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work. Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.
I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
I have a joke about lazy people!
Actually... forget it... it won't work.
Why does the military pick orphans as fighter pilots?
Because homing missiles don't work on them.
Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.
His boss gave him some projects to work on, but he failed at it.
His boss told him: "You suck."
And he started sucking his boss, after he was done.
His boss told him: "You suck for life!"
XD
Why did the Nurse bring a red pen to work? To draw Blood.
Why did the M&M go to school? To be a smartie.
Why did the monkey bring a ladder to school? To be in highschool.
Why did the tangerine copy off other people's work?
Because the tangerine was unORANGEinal!
What's the difference between a hooker and Jesus?
Their face when you nail them!
Just because you have a career in the North doesn't mean you are North Korean.
Why don't cheetahs say goodbye?
Because they are not going to work.
I don't know what makes BlessedBrian so STUPID, but it REALLY works!
My aunt worked as a human cannonball.
I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.
I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:
1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.
I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.
I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.
I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"
He gave me a book.
It was the Quran.
I said, "What the hell is that?"
He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.
You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
So one day a boy was at his dad's work when another little boy ran in crying. Then the dad said, "Aw, little boy, are you lost? Where's your parents?" And the little boy at his dad's work said, "OMG! Dad, you can't say that!"
Why can't he say that?
Answer: He works at an orphanage.
I saw a little kid cry. I went up to him and asked where his parents were. Jeez, I love working at the orphanage!