Work jokes

I aced my poker test...

My teacher asked me to reflect on my work, so I got a mirror...

A caffeinated vampire goes to sleep in a coffin...

Do you get my puns? No, because you can't seem to get a grasp on how bad they are...

I made a bunch of jokes about unemployed people. Sadly, all of them don't work.

One day I was working at the bank, doing my job. Then suddenly a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Then I told her that her balance is un-balanced.

What kind of work from school can't orphans do?

Homework!

Why did the person get fired from the calendar factory?

Because they took a day off.

Some people don't appreciate what I do for a living.

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My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

One time, I worked at 3 jobs at the same time and my boss said it was illegal.

It got too out of hand and I got spanked.

I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:

1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.

I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.

Finally my father came early from office today. I am very happy.

He was fired from his job.

I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.

I worked at a calendar factory, but I got the sack for taking a few days off!

Son: Dad, what are those two huge balloons on mommy's chest?

Dad: I don't see balloons, but I see boobs. I mean, yes, balloons.

Son: Are you sure they're balloons? Yesterday I heard Uncle Frank trying to get a milk dispenser working.

What is the biggest fear of firefighters?

Burnout at work.

Therapy - Expensive - Years of hard work - Emotionally draining - Tough to find

Screaming in the woods - Free - Immediate relief - Scares hunters enough to leave, therefore saving innocent animals - Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods.

What day is Labor Day?

It's the day mommies have their babies.

Errrrrrrrrr my spine doesn't work.

Eeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

If I worked for Edexcel, I'd give Caroline Flack an A* for her physics experiment.

I'm a teacher at a high school, but I got fired. They told me I didn't do any work even though I always did a skele-ton.

Why did Santa go to work? Because he was just trying out the work! 😂😂