Work jokes
Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.
So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...
Do you want to hear a joke about a construction?
Sorry, still working on it!
Kid: Hey, Dad.
Dad: You're an hour late.
Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.
Dad: By yourself?
Kid: No.
Dad: A boy?
Kid: I was with the teacher.
Just got a new internet connected toaster. It wouldn't work until I enabled pop-ups!
I had some puns about construction, but I'm still working on them.
Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?
- Sure.
Oh sorry, I'm still working on it :-]
My nephew hated working outside in landscaping, so I got him a job in the twin towers; I don't know why he keeps complaining about it being an inside job.
Why did Blitzkrieg work so well in France?
Because lightning always follows the path of least resistance.
Why did the bullet end up losing his job?
Because he got fired!
What did the builder say after the foundation?
"Employees!"
What do women and appliances have in common?
If they don't work, hit them until they work.
Why does Zac say he works at McDonald's? Because Aaron go errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
"I'd love to give everyone another shot."
Harry, 26, works at the women's clinic.
Q: What's the best part about working at an abortion clinic?
A: You don't have to buy dog food.
It was September 10, 2001, when I stayed up watching TV shows.
I woke up late for work at The World Trade Center, but it was burning. I said out loud, "I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean... I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Slap it on the arse and tell it to keep going!
A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment.
The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.
"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.
"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."
"How does it work?"
The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "For God's sake, you asshole, it's 3:30 in the god damn morning!"
I asked my uncle why he was living on the streets.
He said that he wasn't always on the streets, he used to have a job at these two towers. I asked him what happened, and he said two planes happened.
So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?
One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!
Where do you go if you lost a pencil?
Office Works! They have solved loads of pencil cases.