Work jokes
My family chastises me for MY job, but you should hear how my family provides "customer service" at their jobs. My mother works as a social worker and answers the phone like, "DYFS, you beat em, we treat em." My grandmother is a Medical Examiner and she answers the phone like, "City Morgue, you kill em, we chill em." These bitches have no class! I'm an actress and studio secretary. When you call the studio, I answer the phone professionally like, "Good afternoon. IHOP, International House Of Pussy. Creampie Cassie speaking."
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Cause it's a family company.
Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)
So there was a school shooting in Florida. Why didn't the shooter just go to Disney?.......sorry, I just work there and I'm trying to get people to come on down.
When does a doctor get mad?
When he runs out of patients!
A kid gets home from school and finds his mom and dad having sex. The kid asks, "What are you doing, Dad?" The dad replies, "Having sex with your mom, son," and he starts laughing.
The next day, Dad gets home from work and finds his son having sex with his nan. The dad shouts, "What the hell are you doing, son?" The kid replies, "It's not funny when it's your mom, is it?"
I don't fuck my mother all day long. I fuck my mother for only 6 hours a day. Sometimes it's 7-8 hours. It depends on how busy my siblings and father are with their work.
Imagine working at the World Trade Center, only for Osama bin Laden to call and ask if he could crash at your place.
I'd make a joke about an obese person, but it won't work out.
What's black and never works?
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard!
John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.
Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.
I was working in an iPhone store in Norwich when a man came! He said, "Give me a hat-trick or I will destroy your store!" I said, "No," and he started to smash phones! I immediately screamed, "Important game!" and he disappeared! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my store! 😡😡
When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."
Why don’t orphans work as computer repair technicians? Because they can’t find the motherboard.
Once I saw a girl crying and asked, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at orphanages.
A little kid was lost, and he asked me to find his home. I love working at the orphanage.
I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.
What is the one kind of work orphans don’t know? Homework.
What is a pedophile's favorite job?
The mall santa.
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.