A pun walked into a room and killed ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? -- Just Juan.
You want some dead batteries? They're free of charge.
Here’s a trick I learned to do on the calculator.
Sally had 69 boobs (69) which was too too too many (69222), so she went to the doctor on 51st street (6922251), and he said to take a certain pill 8 times a day (6922251 times 8), which left her (flip your calculator over)
Boobless.
What do you call a pessimistic Mexican?
A Mexican't.
What do you call an expert fisherman?
A "MASTER-BAITER".
What has an N, an I, two Gs, an E, and an R?
Ginger! You racist fuc-
Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank? He ran away so fast he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.
So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"
The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".
Do you know Putin?
Put in these balls in your mouth.
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
What did the woman on the beach say to Michael Jackson? Hey, get out of my sun!
I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.
Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.
What's Al-Qaeda's favorite sports team?
The New York Jets.
I am a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.
Racecar backwards is racecar, but racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.
I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said, "I'm a frayed knot."
What do you call a ghost's fart?
A spirit bomb.
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, “to whom.”
Want to hear a joke about prostitution? Never mind, it's whoreable.
