"Man, your jokes about homicide are totally killer!"
What do you call a mushroom 🍄 with many friends?
A fungi.
The "f" in orphan is for family.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
I was gonna tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
The snowballs.
Want to hear a joke about prostitution?
Never mind, it's whoreable :)
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked.... (not the orphan)
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at your front door?
Matt.
What kind of bagel can fly?
A plain.
Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."
Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"
Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"
Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."
Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"
Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."
I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending."
What do you call a retard in a house fire?
Flame Retardant.
what did the banana say to the banana?
"u look a-pealing"
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair. 😎
911, what's your emergency?
Me: My grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she's dead.
Well, it's not a living room anymore.
Me: Hangs up.
I don't always roll a joint, but when I do, it's my ankle.
What do you call an Afghan in the bath? A bath bomb.
How did the Shaggy defense become successful for JD Vance?
He was not banging on the sofa. Rather, he was banging the sofa!
What do you call an hourglass with no sand in it?
A waist of time.
