Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
The "f" in orphan is for family.
I was gonna tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
What kind of bagel can fly?
A plain.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked.... (not the orphan)
Want to hear a joke about prostitution?
Never mind, it's whoreable :)
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at your front door?
Matt.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
The snowballs.
Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."
Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"
Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"
Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."
Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"
Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."
I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending."
What do you call a retard in a house fire?
Flame Retardant.
what did the banana say to the banana?
"u look a-pealing"
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair. 😎
911, what's your emergency?
Me: My grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she's dead.
Well, it's not a living room anymore.
Me: Hangs up.
One day I came to my mom and said, "MOM!!! I can make a butterfly!"
Mom: "No you can't..."
Me: *throws butter out the window* Me: "Look I made a butterfly!"
lol this isn't funny but I hope you liked it.
I don't always roll a joint, but when I do, it's my ankle.
What do you call an Afghan in the bath? A bath bomb.
What do you call an hourglass with no sand in it?
A waist of time.
Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩⚕️?
Because he had a sour stomach.
What do you call a nosy pepper?
Jalapeno.
