Why doesn't my egg want to crack?
Because I hate my egg-sistence.
Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?
I’d really like to meter.
What do you call a dead parrot?
Polygon.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten tickles.
I put the sexy in dyslexia.
I make science puns, but only periodically.
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?
He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
You'd think it'd be R, but really his heart will always belong to the C.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.
What is the politically correct term for rabbit shit?
Raisins.
I lost at Kahoot, so I had to ka-shoot.
What do you get when you cross jokes and cum?
CUMedy.
Person 1: Stop making suicidal jokes!
Person 2: Okay, okay, I’ll cut it out.
Person 1: Really?
Person 2: They're not even that deep.
Why was Cinderella banned from playing sports? Because she always ran away from the ball.
If a crippled man told stories about himself, would that be called VeggieTales?
Vagina jokes aren't funny.
Most of the time.
What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?
The thot that counts.
I started a band called 999 megabytes... we still haven't gotten a gig.
I would tell a scoliosis joke.
But that would be completely out of line.
