Wordplay jokes
Why doesn't my egg want to crack?
Because I hate my egg-sistence.
Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?
I’d really like to meter.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten tickles.
What do you call a dead parrot?
Polygon.
I put the sexy in dyslexia.
Memes
I make science puns, but only periodically.
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?
He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
You'd think it'd be R, but really his heart will always belong to the C.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.
What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?
The thot that counts.
What is the politically correct term for rabbit shit?
Raisins.
I lost at Kahoot, so I had to ka-shoot.
What do you get when you cross jokes and cum?
CUMedy.
Person 1: Stop making suicidal jokes!
Person 2: Okay, okay, I’ll cut it out.
Person 1: Really?
Person 2: They're not even that deep.
Why was Cinderella banned from playing sports? Because she always ran away from the ball.
If a crippled man told stories about himself, would that be called VeggieTales?
Vagina jokes aren't funny.
Most of the time.
What did the woman on the beach say to Michael Jackson? Hey, get out of my sun!
I started a band called 999 megabytes... we still haven't gotten a gig.