Wordplay jokes
Anal intercourse is for assholes.
What is heavy forward but not backward?
"Ton."
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reali-tea.
What’s the difference between a parentless child and someone who is fond of unprocessed metals?
One is an orphan, and the other is an ore fan.
What Did Iran Say To Oman?
"Oh man, I ran out of ideas!"
To master puns, you got to relish them first. That's how I must(ar)d it. Who knows, maybe you will ketchup to my level.
How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If it sinks it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s boy-ant (buoyant).
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put him in the microwave until his bill Withers.
What did the mother say to Michael J. on the beach?
"Excuse me sir, but you're in my son!"
What's the difference between dad jokes and bad jokes?
The letter b.
On September 11, 2001, I was in geometry class.
On that day, we learned you can remove one side of a pentagon by intersecting it with a plane.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One kneels to pray, one kneels to pay.
What do you call a man with a Johnny on his nose? Fuck nose.
What do you call a black man in the army in camo? Incogneggo.
3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
Why do women love Chinese food? Because WON TON spelled backward is NOT NOW!
Why can you never surprise mountains?
They peak.
What is the most common crime in Asia?
Identity fraud.
How do you call a cute door?
A-door-able.