Wordplay jokes
How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If it sinks it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s boy-ant (buoyant).
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put him in the microwave until his bill Withers.
What did the mother say to Michael J. on the beach?
"Excuse me sir, but you're in my son!"
What's the difference between dad jokes and bad jokes?
The letter b.
Memes
What do you call a coffee without water? Africano.
You really put the R in special.
What do you call a black man in the army in camo? Incogneggo.
What do you call a man with a Johnny on his nose? Fuck nose.
Why is 10 afraid?
Because it’s in the middle of 9/11.
Why can you never surprise mountains?
They peak.
3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
What is the most common crime in Asia?
Identity fraud.
Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?
Batman: A dick.
Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!
Those were a-mug-zing jokes. They were Mugderful, and Mugjestic.
What do you call a kid with an eyepatch and no arms or legs? Names.
"Knock, knock.""Who's there?""Kid.""Kid who?""Kidnap you!"
What do you call a nazi that can’t see?
A nozi.
Say: "eye"
Spell: map
Then say: "enis."
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like an apple.