Wordplay jokes
What do you call a disabled gang member? A crip.
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reali-tea.
Anal intercourse is for assholes.
To master puns, you got to relish them first. That's how I must(ar)d it. Who knows, maybe you will ketchup to my level.
How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If it sinks it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s boy-ant (buoyant).
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put him in the microwave until his bill Withers.
What did the mother say to Michael J. on the beach?
"Excuse me sir, but you're in my son!"
What's the difference between dad jokes and bad jokes?
The letter b.
On September 11, 2001, I was in geometry class.
On that day, we learned you can remove one side of a pentagon by intersecting it with a plane.
What do you call a nazi that can’t see?
A nozi.
"Knock, knock.""Who's there?""Kid.""Kid who?""Kidnap you!"
What do you call a kid with an eyepatch and no arms or legs? Names.
Say: "eye"
Spell: map
Then say: "enis."
How do you call a cute door?
A-door-able.
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like an apple.
Why can't you make fun of a bunny's head?
Because they have a hare-line.
Those were a-mug-zing jokes. They were Mugderful, and Mugjestic.
You really put the R in special.
What do you call a black man in the army in camo? Incogneggo.